You're Not Alone

•72•

~Next Day~

I'm in the kitchen with Mikasa, Connie, and Historia peeling the skin off potatoes. Last night I managed to sleep an extra two hours than my usual four, so I'm feeling a little better.

I wish I could say I slept peacefully, but the bad dreams I have still greet me when I close my eyes. It's something I need to get a hold of because my energy keeps decreasing every day.

My knife cuts off the last piece off the potato and I set it on the table. The door opens and I look up to find Eren standing in the door way.

"What are you doing? You should still be in bed!" Mikasa shouts.

"I'm alright," he grumbles. "I already slept a whole day. Besides, it's my fault the plan got shelved, so the least I can do is help."

My brother comes up beside me and lifts up a carrot and a knife. I glance at him, there's obvious bags under his eyes and he's moving slower than usual.

"No! You tried, didn't you? Don't beat yourself up," Mikasa tries to make him feel better.

She doesn't know what it's like to have hundreds of people die because of here. Back when we filled the hole with the boulder I watched soldiers get trampled on and eaten. When we tested out our formation and Annie showed up, even more died, including Levi's team. Even when they came after us when we were kidnapped, more than half the squad was taken out.

It's all our faults. Mikasa couldn't know how bad we feel. I haven't talked to Eren in a while, not like how we used too, but since I'm his sister, I know he's hurting as much as I am.

"All I care about...is getting a chance to bring down the Beast Titan," Connies voice lowers into something angry. It's not like him to get this serious. "That hairy bastard took everything for me. I want it dead."

I look down at his hand that's cutting the potato. He's shaking pretty bad. Connie notices me watching and he jumps a little, setting his knife down.

"It's about time to switch lookouts," he mumbles and looks at Mikasa. "You ready?"

She nods and the two of them leave. Now it's just my brother and Historia in the kitchen with me. I set down my knife and lean onto the table with my hands by my side.

"Must be nice," Historia says softly. "You guys and the others know what you want, even if it won't be easy to get. But with Ymir gone, I've lost my purpose. I don't even know what I'm fighting for anymore."

"There still hope of getting her back," I stare down at the wood surface. "Saving her is something to fight for."

"Maybe..." she sighs. "At the time, I didn't understand what she was doing. I just wanted her to be safe. Since then, I've been thinking. When she left, Ymir chose her own path. I have no right to change that. She doesn't need me to."

Her words shock Eren and I. Ever since we've gotten back she's hardly said anything. Sure she's joined us in whatever we did in Trost, but she didn't say much and she kept to herself for the most part.

"Finally," Eren laughs lightly. "About time you started talking again."

She turns around from gazing out the window to looking at Eren. I pick up the knife again, continuing to peel the potato in front of me.