𝘋𝘳𝘪𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘭𝘪𝘤𝘦𝘯𝘴𝘦 ~ 𝘘𝘶𝘢𝘤𝘬𝘪𝘵𝘺 𝘹 𝘖𝘊

Chapter 20

20. Drivers license

TW- mentions of depression, self hate, mentions of manipulation, slight mention of blood. 

I recommend for this chapter you listen to Wait by M83

That tweet. That tweet. The tweet that ruined it all... 

Reya had froze. Her. Why was she feeling like this? She didn't deserve to feel like this, she's the one who ended it. Her heart strings tugged towards the ground, a dark empty abyss opened up in her stomach. She felt like she was falling. Wait. No not falling as such. More like drowning. Falling down to the pits of the deepest ocean. She couldn't move. Couldn't bring herself to swim up, to save herself from the enveloping darkness. It was agonising. It made her want to fall to the ground sobbing. Of course she couldn't do that. Not with her mother around. Reya refused to let her emotions get the better of her. Her body ached as she continued looking at the picture. Seeing them together. She had to admit they looked cute together but it should still be her.

Reya was struggling to keep her emotions together. She wanted to scream as loud as she could. She wanted all this pain, all this hurt to go away. Not just the pain of seeing them together. But the mental and physical trauma she was forced to endure by her mother. She wasn't herself anymore. Riddled with self hate and manipulation. She didn't smile anymore, she didn't laugh. Instead she cried, she screamed. On worst days she was silent. Never uttered a word. She would lock herself in her bathroom, the shower raining over her head and she sat there emotionless. Her father was worried about her. He wouldn't see her for days at a time, she wouldn't leave her room unless it was for food. However that wasn't very often. It's not that she didn't want to eat, she just felt sick all the time. She didn't have the strength to get up most mornings, sleeping (if she was lucky enough) until late into the evening. Then staying up into the early morning. She wouldn't do anything. She'd just think to herself. What it would be like if she was better, if she was a better person. If she wasn't such a disappointment to her family. To Alex. Her head was filled with horrible thoughts. Deep, dark feelings, poisonous to the world. Corrupting to her.

How she wished she could be herself again. She was just so angry all the time.

Tonight was no different. She was more angry, upset and irrational than before. I guess you could say this was a step up, perhaps in the wrong directions but still a step up. She grabbed her guitar and her song book. Her emotions raced around her head forming lyrics and beats. She splattered them onto the page, forming melodies with her guitar. It was 4 in the morning but she didn't care. To hell with her mother, for once she didn't care if her mom would wake up to her playing guitar. Her emotions filled her music, heartbreak within every line. She hadn't even noticed the tears rolling like a river down her face falling onto the page. She was so wrapped in her writing she didn't take a break for a whole 3 hours.

The song was done. Her pain etched into every word, and as she played she couldn't help but cry as she sang. Elias stood outside her door hearing the song. He had never seen her in such pain. Her voice cracked as she sang, her pain evident. He wanted more than anything to go in a comfort her. To take all her pain away if he could. He too couldn't help his eyes fill to the brim with tears, he had never heard anything like it.

Reya played until her fingers bled from picking at the strings too long. But she didn't care, she was completely numb. She had stopped crying as the sun started to rise, her face stained with her tears, her cheeks blotched red. She noticed her phone over on her desk. The photo still up and haunting her. She looked at it with upmost anger. A rush of adrenaline filled her as she grabbed it and threw it at the wall.

"FUCK!" She screamed as the sound of the phone crashing against the wall echoed. Her house soon again filled with silence. Leaving Reya to her dark thoughts once again.

Reya's body was shaking, goosebumps all over her skin, she walked towards her window not remembering having it open. She looked out into the sun rise, her anger dispersing in little dwindles. Spiralling out her head away into the unknown. The reds and orange mixed within her vision, tears forming once again. It reminded her of the days her and Alex spent at the beach. She shook her head from the memories. Closing her window and the curtains leaving her room in darkness.

She felt dirty. She felt like she needed cleansing from the pain and trauma.

Too lazy to change out of her clothes, she slumped to the bottom of the bathtub once again letting the shower drown her thoughts. She must've been sat there for hours, her house started to fill with little noises. The tv, her mother cooking, her father typing within his office.

She heard a knock at her door, not in any rush she turned off the shower walking towards the door dripping. She didn't care that her floor was getting drenched by herself. Elias was stood outside, he too had dark circles under his eyes. He looked worried. She could see it in his eyes.

"Reya... I heard your song last night." He spoke in a whisper.
She didn't say anything back merely letting him into her room. Her throat felt dry, it stung to swallow. She sang until her throat was raw last night. She was still soaking wet but her brother still wrapped her in a tight hug. She heard him sniff a couple times before realising he was crying. His tears blending with her damp clothes. Hearing him cry made her break down. The two of them held each other, tears streaming. Their pain filled the room.

They stayed there until the both of them were silent.

For once her thoughts were quiet. The voices of hate were silent. She sighed in the relief. She enjoyed it while it lasted. Being able to breathe without thinking she wasn't good enough.

"Reya what happened." He really was worried for her. He hated seeing her in this depressive state, not being able to leave her room. He was trying to stay strong for her but in reality he wanted to lock himself away from everything.

Reya didn't want to say anything. She wished she hadn't thrown her phone. She could've just show him the photo.

"I saw a picture on Twitter that Alex posted. It was of him and his new neighbour." She spoke quietly. Barely above a whisper. Elias managed to get what she said and opened his phone to see the picture. His heart broke for Reya when he saw it. What was he trying to do rub it in her face? Elias was angry. He rarely got angry but this made him mad.

"Reya I'm so sorry, the song? It's about them right?"
"Yeah, it is. It's obvious but I don't care."
"Are you going to produce it or upload it to YouTube."
"Yeah I will at some point maybe."
"He better not cross my path anytime soon."
"Don't do anything to him. Technically it's my fault.... I know what I'm going to do though. It'll get his attention. Hopefully he'll realise I still care."
"What are you doing to do?"

She didn't reply. She only walked to her computer turning it on. She hadn't  touched it for months. She logged onto twitch and started to set up a stream. She checked her microphone was plugged in and working. Same with her webcam. She didn't care if everyone saw how sick she looked it would add to the song.
She left her room to the bathroom to quickly clean up the scratches on her fingertips from playing too long.
Her brother was confused, his eyebrows were knitted together as he watched her walked around her room setting up. Once she was ready she stood before her computer letting out deep breaths.

"I'm going to stream it live."

—————————
Hello everyone. I have to admit that chapter was interesting to write, I personally haven't experienced anything I have written in this chapter, so it's worrying that it was so easy to write. I had a lot of fun writing this one and I hope it tugs your emotions for this chapter.

1466 words