Shattered (#1 in Shifting Series)

The Accident

Sarah closed her eyes knowing she would be triggered by retelling it but wanting to with everything inside of herself.  She had kept it all bottled up inside herself for so long, to the point where she had become a cauldron of darkness brewing within.  She opened her eyes, hoping she would not start crying as she spoke about that night.  She took a long breath, gripping the counter with her hands tightly.  

"We had gone out to eat.  You have to understand, it was a big deal because my husband, Ben, never wanted to eat out.  He always said you got better food at home than out.  That night, though, he decided that he wanted to take me and our daughter, Demiana, out to a fancy steakhouse.  She was only three, about to be four, but she went everywhere with us.  She was a live wire, but she was also well-behaved when we were out.  We were even able to take her with us to the movies."

Sarah smiled as she thought about her daughter.  She had the biggest brown eyes, lush with lashes and curly brown hair.  She had often been stopped when out shopping because of how cute her daughter had been.  She always had a smile on her face and loved watching people.  It was rare for her to throw a tantrum or misbehave.  Demiana had been the perfect child for the most part.  Yes, she had unfortunately had a bit of her own high spiritedness to her, but she never was an outright brat.

"He had gotten a promotion at work, and it was his way of celebrating," she finally continued.  "Everything was fine on the way there, but while we were in the restaurant it had started to sleet outside.  When we left, there was ice all over the roads and they were slick.  We weren't concerned, though, because we had lived up North for a long time and knew how to drive on the stuff.  Not a lot of people in Texas know how to drive on it, but we did.  The main road was packed so we took the back roads home."

Sarah squeezed her eyes shut, hearing the sounds again in her mind.  Metal twisting, glass shattering.  Screams of pain.  The feel of blood splattering across her face.  She felt as if she was shaking as the sounds became so loud in her mind that she was about to cover her ears.  She felt his hand suddenly grip her own and instantly the sounds halted.  She shook from it as she looked up to his eyes, startled by how fast he had silenced the sounds.

"You don't have to continue," Kakashi said softly.

"No, I need to... I want to..." She finally said, squeezing his hand in silent thanks.  "There is this sharp bend in the road that we took home.  It has no guardrails and goes under a bridge that trains pass over while the river runs alongside the drop off.  Ben was driving, very slowly.  Even when the road is good, you have to go slow because it drops off so sharply on that turn.  Demiana was in the back chattering, and we were laughing because she was just so funny.  The car hit a very slick spot as we went around that bend and started sliding to the side.  Ben put it in neutral and did everything he could to try to stop the vehicle, but it kept sliding.  We were going so slow, but the car just kept going and we slipped right off the side of the road."

Sarah tightened her hold on his hand before continuing, "The car slipped right over the drop off and we rolled, over and over again.  It flipped so fast because it was a long drop to the bottom.  The sounds... when we stopped half of the car was in the water below.  I can still hear the sound of the metal bending, glass shattering.  Demiana screaming in the back, Ben cursing... he rarely cursed.  At one point before we hit the water, I felt a large spray of blood cover my face.  Later, I would learn it was from Ben.  I don't remember when the car stopped.  I think I hit my head on something as we flipped.  When I came to, the police and medics were trying to cut me out of the vehicle.  The pain... God there was so much pain.  I couldn't stop screaming it was so bad.  Despite that, I kept trying to reach Demiana..."

Kakashi could see the trauma in her features as she relived the night.  Her hand had a death grip on his own, so he was surprised when she pulled it free.  She slowly reached down and pulled up the left side of her shirt.  A long, jagged scar marred her flesh all down the side.  Her hands were shaking as she held the shirt.

"A metal piece from the car had impaled me during the accident leaving this," she said before quickly lowering the shirt once more.  "I remember looking over at Ben and his side of the vehicle was completely smashed into him and was submerged in water.  I couldn't even see his face because it was so flattened on that side of the vehicle.  Water was up to his shoulder on my side.  I knew he was dead.  I didn't need anyone to tell me about it.  That's when I started trying to get to Demiana.  I was impelled in place.  No matter how hard I tried or how much I struggled to even see her, I couldn't move from where I was trapped.  I'm glad I didn't because they told me that it had not been a pleasant sight.  We had to have closed caskets for them both because they were mangled so badly."

Kakashi moved without thinking and folded her into his arms as she started to fall apart.  She began to cry, her hands balled into tight fists against his chest.  "It wasn't fair," she whispered.  "They were all I had and, in a moment, gone.  Why was I allowed to survive?"  He held her tightly for a long time, as he had wanted to do in her apartment when he had been there.  "What purpose do I even have anymore, Kakashi?"

"I'm sorry, Sarah," he said against her hair, feeling her body shaking. "It wasn't fair.  Someone once said that nothing in this accursed life goes as we plan.  Perhaps they are right because it sometimes seems as if there is nothing but suffering.  I have decided that because we survive, we must keep going, living for those we have lost.  That is how we honor them.  You've done that, you've kept going and through that you have honored them.  I can't answer why they were taken and why you weren't, but I'm glad I have had an opportunity to meet you."

Sarah felt enveloped in his strength.  It was the first time she could ever remember since that day that she felt like she could be weak.  He was like a rock in her storm, a very real warm rock. She did not know how long they stood there like that but when she finally gathered herself back together, she knew that she could now heal.  The heaviness within her heart lifted as tears fell freely down her face.  She knew he would understand.  That he would have the words that she needed to start down the path of true healing.  She loved him even more in that moment than she had in times past.  How could she not love him more?  He was giving her what she had needed for so long.  One tortured soul to another.  She was overwhelmed for a moment.  His arms tightened around her, and she let out a long breath.  She almost melted into him.  This was the most peace she had felt ever in her life.

She felt him raise one of his hands as she let out another long sigh.  His other hand was rubbing her back in comfort.  She had to admit, that felt nice.  Too nice.  She knew she had to step away before she got too comfortable, but she hated to leave that place.  He smelled so good, and he was making her feel at peace for the first time in forever.  If she could have, she would have melted into him forever.  She stayed a bit longer than was probably proper, but she was enjoying it too much.  Kakashi Hatake was holding her. She could hear his heart beating beneath her ear, the rhythm increased dramatically, and she made a face. He was probably starting to get uncomfortable from holding her. Kakashi was not an affectionate man from everything she had ever seen.    She knew she couldn't stay there any longer.  Poor guy was probably about to wilt in his discomfort.  She pulled back and then gasped as she looked up at him.  He had pulled his mask down and the sight of his naked face was... breathtaking.

She literally stopped breathing as she looked at that face.  The anime had not done him justice in the unveiling!  His nose was straight, despite most likely having been broken a dozen or more times in his life, and tall refined.  His lower lip was fuller than the top, but they blended together in such a way that it was sexy as hell.  A whisper of a smile on them as he looked down at her with an almost soft expression in his gaze.  She wondered what they would feel like against her own and she bit her own lip at the thought.  His jawline was firm and rectangular, a shadow of new hair growth barely visible along its lines - a five o'clock shadow.  He must not have shaved that morning.

To say that Kakashi Hatake was a handsome man would be an understatement.  He was the best-looking man she had ever seen in her life, including all those stars that were considered heartthrobs.  A man should never look that sexy.  It was a crime against all women!  This was the face of a man that could have any woman he wanted if he crooked his finger at them.  She was blindsided seeing that face of his.  Her attraction to him pitched to such a degree that, as Melissa would say, her ovaries exploded.  Good Lord, that is what he looks like under that damn mask?

She almost cursed.  She was doomed.  There was no way she would ever be able to look at him again without remembering that face.  It was permanently engraved in her mind.  She was certain that her face mirrored the shock she was feeling at seeing him fully.  Her face felt as hot as the rest of her body and then he did the unthinkable.  He smiled big, his eye narrowing with that smile.  It was like a nuclear bomb went off.