Brekker's Barrel

3-INEJ

   Inej could hear the rhythmic tapping of a cane making its way up the stairs. She sighed and rolled over so that she was facing the window rather than the door. It was bright out, yet Ketterdam was still shrouded in its peculiar layer of mist.

   Kaz knocked once, and when he heard no protest, he carefully opened the door. Inej saw his cane out of the corner of her eye as he entered the small, but lavish room.

"Kaz." She said in almost a grumble. 

   Kaz had been coming to her to discuss the most menial jobs, something anyone at the slat would be fit for. While it got on Inej's last nerve, she never refused.

   Maybe he trusts me; maybe he wants to get a few more jobs out of me before I go on another voyage. She thought, hating how pessimistic it sounded.

   But that was Kaz. Sure, he'd been more open recently, but she doubted these meetings were driven by anything other than logic and strategy.

Kaz cleared his throat.

   Inej turned to look at him, noticing his less than formal clothing. Kaz never let the Dregs see him like this, much less everyone he happened to pass on the way to Wylan's house.

   "I have some more plans to go over.  I won't need your assistance, just your approval." Kaz stood near the doorway, rubbing his thumb over the eye of the crow's head.

Inej sat up.

   "Kaz, you come here nearly every day to have me approve plans. You can't be so unsure of yourself. It just isn't you."

   Kaz just stood there, as if pondering what he could say next. He was still fidgeting with his cane, uncharacteristically nervous.

"Are you coming here just to talk to me?" She asked cautiously.

   "No..." he was clearly lying. And it wasn't like the smug, nearly undetectable lies she'd heard before. Kaz Brekker was embarrassed.

   Inej let out a soft laugh. She saw Kaz let out a breath that he had been holding.

   "It's okay if you are. Well, maybe not so early in the morning." She shook her head playfully.

   Kaz now stood like a statue. A statue with shallow breaths and dilated pupils.

"Is there a reason you're dressed so plainly?" She tried, wanting him to loosen up a bit.

   "I came as quickly as I could." He glanced down at his outfit and began wringing his gloved hands on the crow again.

"...why?"

   Kaz finally moved from the doorway, taking a seat at the end of the bed. They sat in silence, Kaz deciding what he would say, Inej waiting for his decision.

   "I felt alone." He said, so quiet that Inej could barely make sense of it. "I had to get out of that room. I couldn't stand another minute sitting with nothing but my thoughts."

   All Inej knew to do was put a hand on his shoulder, avoiding contact with any skin. She wasn't sure if talking about it would help or hurt, so she decided to just stay there. She would sit with Kaz until he was ready to either talk or leave. She would not be angry if he left, but something in her was begging for him to stay.

   She could hear Kaz's breaths slowing, syncing with her own. She moved so that she could look  into his dark rum eyes. She knew the look well. It was fear, but mixed with something else. Hope? Excitement? 

   She was so distracted trying to read his mood that she hardly noticed the hand moving to cup her face. She expected to feel the leather of a glove, but instead felt the softness of a hand. She felt him shudder as he took a deep breath, but he did not remove his hand.

   It had been weeks since they had held hands; since he had held her as she cried. He'd met her parents and didn't even flinch when he shook their hands. His hard expression had fallen away for just a moment.

   This time was different. This time Kaz needed to be held together. However, this was a delicate situation. Even Barrel bosses have their weaknesses, and Kaz's was on display.

   She carefully placed her hand on his cheek, feeling him blush beneath her touch.

"Inej..." He trailed off.

What was he going to say? What did she want him to say?

   He stuttered a bit before letting out a disappointed sigh, leaving them in silence once again.

"I will have you-"

   "Without armor, or you will not have me at all." He muttered, completing her statement. "I'm trying. Every day I'm trying."

   Kaz fell forward, burying himself in her chest. Inej let out a soft sound of surprise, and began rubbing his back.

"Is this alright?" Kaz croaked. Was Kaz crying?

"Yes," she felt a warm droplet hit her arm, "Yes, this is alright."

   They held each other in silence, with Inej rocking them back and forth. The atmosphere felt heavy, yet comfortable. Words were not needed. After minutes that felt more like mere seconds, Kaz sat back up, wiping his face with the dull grey sleeve of his shirt.

"Thank you, Inej." He allowed a soft smile.

   She looked deep into his eyes, once again not sure what to say. "Did you actually have plans to go over?"

"Just a simple robbery. We're hoping to tank the Kaelish Prince for good."

   Inej stood up excitedly. "Count me in. Let's get the others and have some breakfast."