Regina | discontinued

sixty three

LEONS POV.

This is actually idiotic. Why am I even doing this?

At last second, I dove behind a couch in the waiting room to avoid a random nurse walking down the hall.

Once their footsteps were out of earshot I peeked over the couch and stood up when the coast was clear, continuing my way down the vacant hallway until I found the room I was looking for.

Room F24; Bellamy's room.

Quickly glancing down both sides of the hall, I made sure no one saw me before stepping inside and gently shutting the door behind me. Continuing to face the door, I leaned forward and rested my head on the cool wood, taking a deep breath and turning around when I exhaled.

I stayed stiff for a moment, briefly glancing over Bellamy's comatose state before slowly stepping forward.

I didn't think he would be this bad.

Crossing the short distance, it felt like I had to force myself to approach him.

Along with the bandaging and faint bruises peeking out from his hospital gown, Bellamy was attached to numerous machines; his hair was tousled and messy looking, his skin was paler than usual, and his lips were a light light pink yet I could make out the faint undertone of blue.

I felt myself shiver. He looks like a corpse.
I did that .. dear god- this is my fault.

My shoulders sank in distress and I swallowed the heavy lump in my throat before slowly moving to sit down in the chair next to him.

I continued to stare at him, tugging at my lip ring with my teeth. My hands gripped at the arms of the uncomfortable chair until my palms stung and my knuckles turned a ghostly shade of white. I couldn't look away from him. Even when I tried, my eyes found their way back to his face.. trailing over to the bruises, then the feeding tubes, ending at the heart monitor that beeped steadily.

I deserve to feel this guilty, I need to see what I've done and hopefully - for his sake and mine - Bellamy pulls through and wakes up soon.

Loosening my grip on the chair arms I raised my hand to my face and rubbed my jaw, easing the tension my clenched teeth brought.

People can hear you in comas, right?

Why the hell am I asking myself this?

Maybe I should just.. fuck it no ones here anyway.

"Bellamy I'm so fucking sorry." Sighing, I dropped my hand from my face and lightly placed it over his own, careful not to adjust any of the needles there.

"If you were awake you would probably punch the shit out of me." I laughed before continuing, heavily trying to ignore his ice-like temperature. "You've always cared about your friends that's the thing about you, and maybe if I had told you guys what my father was planning you wouldn't be in this situation."

I felt my eyes start to sting and took another deep breath, blinking rapidly to clear away any oncoming tears. "I was scared, terrified even. I was scared that if I told you all that I would not only loose my life by my fathers hands, but loose the only people who showed me what real friendship is like, and being the coward I am I couldn't decide which I would rather give up; my life or the people who showed me what it's like to live. But that's no excuse, I should've told you and I didn't. I fucked things up and I will forever regret what I didn't do."

Chucking bitterly, I brought my head down and pressed my forehead down into the stiff mattress. "But I guess that's what I always do. I'm just a boy who's always been a bit over his head, the evil in everyone's story-" I swallowed hard, "-even in mine."