Fighting Life

Chapter Fourteen

While her phone rang and she kept getting the message tone, Tana avoided it. She did not want to speak with anyone, and she did not want to have to explain herself to anyone, not even her friends. She knew she left the situation in a poor way the night before, but she could not face it, to the point that throughout the night, she was having flashbacks to the one thing about camp she did remember, the bad thing that happened. It sent her mind into darkness and she had a very bad emotional breakdown, that it scared her even more.

Thomas had told her to call him when she was like this, but Tana could not, she was ashamed of herself and what she would do to herself, that see needed to keep it privet, to not let other people find out. Come the Saturday, Tana was a right-out mess. She did not sleep well, having nightmares all night, and not getting more than an hours sleep. She found as well, her throat felt worse than it had on Friday, and that she felt sore in the chest.

Sitting on her bed, she had her knees pulled close to her chest, hugging them, rocking back and forth, trying to keep herself calm. She hated herself, and the way she was. The fact that she could feel so broken over something so simple. There was no denying it though, the moment the guy had started asking questions, she knew, he was a part of a past she did not remember, and she had not wanted to face that.

Her doorbell rang. Tana stopped rocking, staying quiet and listening, tilting her head slightly. She hoped whoever was at her house would leave her alone and go away. However, the bell rang again, somebody really wanted her attention. Tana closed her eyes, wishing for them to go away. However, they did not, they insisted and rang the bell again. Letting out a heavy sigh, she slid off her bed, putting her dressing gown on and went to the door. Opening it, she saw on the other side of the security door was Jason, standing on her porch, one hand reached out as if he was going to ring the doorbell again.

"How did you get my address?" Tana asked shocked and a bit annoyed.
"I recalled it from when I looked at your driver's licence." He claimed, answering her right away.
"Why are you here?" she asked further.
"I want... to check on you... see if you were ok." He said, slowly, carefully.
"I am fine." Tana lied, knowing he could not see much past the security screen.
"But you are not answering your phone. I think I have called you half a dozen times and text." He stated. "I didn't know what else to do."
"You could leave me be." Tana offered, sounding ruder then she intended.
"Wow... ouch." Jason spoke.
"Sorry.... I.... am tied, not feeling well." She claimed.
"Is it your heart?" Jason spoke, worried again.
"No. Just a sore throat." Tana explained.

They fell silent. Tana wanted to close the door and make Jason go away, but she could see he was not moving, he kept looking at the screen door and he had an expression on his face, like he had something more to say.

"Tana... I just... I wanted to say sorry." Jason commented finally.
"About what?" Tana asked now confused.
"It may sound silly, but it is about... last night." He stated.
"No." Tana said firmly, moving the wooden door to close it.
"Please Tana." Jason begged. "Please, do not shut me out."
"Why?" Tana asked, a tightening in her chest.
"I know this is really hard for you, but I wanted to have a talk about it all." He explained.
"But I do not want to." Tana sighed.
"I do not want to force you, but I want you... to be able to hear me out. Let me explain." Jason said.

Tana was silent, looking at the floor, trying to keep down the emotions that was starting to rise again. She did not feel ok about this, but she knew, with the way he was talking, that Jason would not let it go, until she let him explain. It was not something she really wanted to do, but she had to make it clear too that she did not want to deal with these things. Letting out a heavy sigh, she shook her head and unlocked the security door, opening it a little, giving the opening invitation for Jason to come inside.