Fighting Life

Chapter Forty One

August the eight hit. It was a cold and wet day, the clouds covered the sky and it was all very gloomy. It was after that day that Tana's mother had stopped by and while not a lot happened, a lot did. Right now, Tana was in front of her house doors, unlocking it slowly and then going inside. Claudia followed Tana into the house and dropped her bags down on the kitchen bench. She asked Tana if she needed anything and Tana simply shook her head. She did not want anything, so she just said a thank you to Claudia for bringing her home and told her friend that she just wanted to go to bed and rest. Claudia did not say much, just nodded and told Tana to call if there was anything she needed and then left, closing the front door behind her.

Tana stood next to the kitchen bench, silent and just staring at nothing. She felt cold and alone, but she did not want anyone there. For a moment, there was a knock on her front door, the door bell was rung. Tana had no sense of the time between when Claudia left to now, but she knew it had at least been an hour due to the change in lighting in her house. On the other side of the door, she could hear a voice. Tana did not move. It was Thomas, he had come to visit her, but Tana did not want to see him. She did not want to see anyone.

Ignoring the door, Tana finally moved. Like a zombie, she went to the stairs and went up to her room. Without changing from the bagging shirt and pants she was in, Tana laid on her bed, curling herself up into a tight ball, hugging the blanket to her body. She closed her eyes, feeling the silent tears lick at her cheeks, as she ignored everything else around her.

It all started two weeks ago, when her mother showed up at her house, said some painful things and left. Tana had been at the brink of a break down. She had remembered sinking to the floor, punching the floor but anything after that, she did not remember very well. Her psychologist had to fill in the blanks for her. The fact that she was found in her home, curled up on the floor in her kitchen, packets of pills beside her, water spilled on the floor from a glass. A knife was also next to her, bloody to match the slashes on her wrist. Without even knowing she had done it, Tana had attempted to harm herself.

She was told that her mother had not closed the door fully and when Thomas had come over for a random movie night visit, he had found it open and when walked in, had found her in that state. Thomas saw her at the worst she had ever been and that was why she could not let him in now. She was ashamed of herself for what she had done and now it was clear and known that she was just a weak girl who could not handle the troubles of life.

For two weeks she had been resident of a mental health ward in the local hospital. When she first woke up, she found out and panicked, but the psychologist was there to calm her down, put her at ease, possibly using some sedative medicine that kept her clam, but still allowed her to function. Thomas was there, had stayed the whole time until she woke up. It had been one day before she had and before he know clearly what had happened he did not want to say anything to anyone so he stayed.

After that the hospital needed him to leave so Tana could recover, to start treatment for what she was needing. He was reluctant but he promised her that he would not speak a word of this to anyone. He must have known, from the past, how she would feel about all of it. Every morning and afternoon she was expected to sit in a privet room with Dr Suno, the psychologist, and discuss her mental health. During the other parts of the day, she had time to do what ever she wanted. Other patients wondered around the community room, sat together doing art or puzzles, or went for walks in the garden. Tana was different, the first week she stayed to her room, sitting on her bed, knees pulled into her chest and hugging herself.

By the second week she was there and still no visits from anyone, Tana finally started opening up a bit more in the sessions with Dr Suno. They spoke about what had been going on in Tana's life. They spoke about what her mother had said and that she had not even realised she took the pills or cut her wrists. She was blanked out during that episode and Dr Suno suggested that she go on a new set of medication. It was keep her mood at a level base. She might find it hard to feel emotions at first until she allowed it to set in, but it will help her when her mind would fall back to those dark moments.