Stage Fright

Chapter 70 ~ Hot Tub

Heather

I had just about everything ready for a girls night. Taylor looked at me like I was absolutely out of my mind when I asked her to come over tonight. I could understand why, we hadn't had the most incredible friendship and we pretty rarely ever hung out alone.

But I was worried about her, she wasn't herself anymore. She'd changed her whole look, how she acted, she was freaking everyone out and no one could figure out what had happened to her. But I had a feeling it had something to do with New Years Eve. That seemed to be the day it all changed.

I had snacks, movies, ice cream, face masks, I just hoped it was all enough to break the ice. Taylor never opened up, she refused to tell anyone about herself or what she thought. She liked to feel untouchable and like she was better than everyone else, that's why it seemed weird that she was acting so....strangely human.

I said goodbye to Josh almost twenty minutes ago, letting him go off to his guys night. I was so embarrassed last night, I just wanted to cry. I'd really been talking through all of this in therapy and I genuinely felt ready. I missed doing it with Josh, I missed how it felt and what it meant to both of us. 

I was ready last night, I wanted him and I really needed him. But at the last second I couldn't go through with it. I was upset that everything had been turned so upside-down. What I was most worried about was that Josh would get the wrong idea and think I was afraid of him. That I'd stopped because I wasn't attracted to him anymore. When in reality it was just the opposite, everything he did sent chills through my body.

Maybe he was right and I just needed some more time, maybe we had to figure out how to build up to it. But Josh had been perfectly understanding, he held me tight and promised me we'd work through this together. Afterwards we laid down and watched the star projections float over my celling. 

We chatted all night long, listened to some music and kissed. This morning I woke up in yesterday's clothes on top of my comforter wrapped around him. And that was the moment I realized that we didn't need sex to be happy. Those were my favourite sorts of nights to have with him, when we'd fall asleep talking and laughing and I felt totally free. 

Then he woke me up by running his hands through my hair. I opened my eyes and immediately smiled seeing him so close. It was those sorts of memories that always guided me through Friday nights when he was with his friends. It was the only night usually that we didn't sleep in the same bed.

Now however I had other things to worry about, I had Taylor coming over any minute. I hear the doorbell ring and I go downstairs to answer it.

"Hey." She says with a shrug, stepping inside.

"Hi." I smile, closing and locking the door. "I'm glad you took me up on my offer."

"Yeah, you never want to hang out with me." She says and I roll my eyes, leading her upstairs.

"That's not true." I insist. "We just don't hang out alone very often."

"So, why did you ask me?" She asks, sounding confused. "Why not Jules?"

"Because like I said, we don't ever spend time together." I remind her. "And Jules is with Hayden." I add and she laughs. "And.....if you want to get technical, I don't really like to be alone and Josh is with his friends on Friday nights."

She nods, setting her bag down on my bed and takes in the room with a deep breath. "Well, if you need a third choice then I guess that's me." She says with a shrug. "I'm the same way, I always try to do something on Fridays because my parents travel all the time."

"What is it your parents do?" I ask.

"They're drug-reps for huge pharmaceutical brands, they travel all over to conventions and expos." She tells me. "You know, it makes good money but I'd rather have at least one of them home more often. Then again, I guess you'd know what that's like."