Stage Fright

Chapter 7 ~ The Problem With Intimacy

Heather

"Are you sure you can take me home today?" I ask Zeke and he scoffs looking away.

"I think I can handle it Heather." He says rolling his eyes.

It was the end of the day, Zeke had a practice until six tonight which ended just about the time mine would. Today was Wednesday, my first real rehearsal. I was so nervous I didn't know what to think.

Maybe if Zeke wasn't so rude to me and putting me down I'd feel a little more confident. We haven't exactly been getting along lately. Ever since the prank blew up in my face I just couldn't forgive him properly. He was angry he couldn't control me and make me quit the musical. We were like water and oil, we hadn't hung out one-on-one in almost a week-and-a-half.

We barely were speaking, I just started riding with him to school again on Monday. There wasn't much that was romantic about dating Zeke to begin with, but now we weren't doing anything together, it was just strange. I never knew what to say, knowing it would break out into an argument.

I didn't know what to do to get us back to where we used to be, worst of all I didn't know if that was my fault or his. It was the strangest thing, I didn't know whether I wanted him near me or if I wanted him to stay away. It made for a lot of sleepless nights.

I was actually looking forward to this rehearsal today, hoping it would help me forget my issues for a while.

"Well then I'll see you later." I mumble walking away.

"Heather." He says quietly and I pause turning back around. "Babe, what's going on with us?" He asks and I shrug.

"I don't know." I tell him quietly. 

"Well can we talk about it?" He asks and I look at my watch.

"Not now, we'll talk another day." I say, looking at the ground. "I'm not going to make you late, this isn't the time or place. For now, I'll see you at six." I tell him walking away.

We've barely touched since that argument at my house. Other than wrapping my arms around him on his motorcycle, I wouldn't touch him. I just felt uncomfortable, he didn't apologize to me properly for how he treated me. He really scared me sometimes, when he raised his voice or grabbed me.

It was the reason I didn't like being intimate with him, it just......it never felt right. I was so damn afraid of what would happen or how aggressive he'd get that I couldn't get into it. Not ever. Sex without trust doesn't work.

I walk to the auditorium and try to shake it off but I'm just not in the right mood today. I'm not where I need to be to do this properly today.

"Hi Heather." Miss Young says and I nod, trying to plaster on a fake smile. "I want to introduce you to a few people." She says walking me over to a group of people. "This is Janis, she's our pianist, these four are our set designers and the people in charge of stage management lights and sound." She says and I wave. 

"They're just here to start planning things out but they won't bother our rehearsal." She assures me and I nod. "And these two laddies....." She says walking me back to the table at the front of the room. "Are the other teachers that help me run the show and give deliberations. Miss Bernadette is responsible for costumes and myself and Miss Cooper handle the singing and rehearsals."

"Nice to meet you." I smile. "So who does the dancing?"

"A choreographer." She smiles. "They create routines, teach them and we film them to have a reference." I feel slightly intimidated at that. How hard would the choreography be? "But today we'll just be cleaning up some of your and Josh's scenes."