Stage Fright

Chapter 13 ~ Summer Lovin'

Josh

I haven't been able to wipe the smile off of my face all day, Heather fell asleep with me last night. I felt like the luckiest guy on the planet, she'd even moved over in the middle of the night to sleep closer to me.

Part of me wondered if she'd ever even done that with any of the guys she'd dated before. I had a feeling the answer was a resounding no. I was just excited she wanted to be so close to me, that she gave me a hug every time she saw me.

It wasn't just because she was pretty either. Of course she was, there wasn't anyone in our school who looked half as good as she did. But it was the Heather on the inside that I found attractive. The one who would laugh and tease me, who would open up and be vulnerable and honest. The one who sang and loved music and who laid on my bed with me staring at the ceiling, talking about life for hours.

I felt a little guilty that I hadn't pushed her to go home more seriously but at the same time I was thankful she stayed with me. I wondered what her dad had been calling her about, but she said everything was fine. It worried me how rarely Heather saw her father, it shocked me to hear he was so absent given how much he cared for Heather when she was younger. 

I was hopeful that eventually she'd start to really show herself to other people. That she'd stop trying to make herself do all of these things that just ended up hurting her. Nobody knew how fragile Heather was. The guys she'd dated had taken advantage of the fact that she needed somebody. Her friends only liked that she was rich and pretty. Nobody even knew or saw the version of her that I did.

I couldn't imagine doing that. Keeping everything so bottled up deep inside and never giving myself the chance to breathe. It was astounding that she hadn't broken yet.

I knew that as badly as I wanted to tell Owen, or somebody else for that matter, that Heather and I had hung out all last night, I knew I had to keep it to myself. I didn't want anything to spread or for people to think she was sneaking around with me behind Zeke's back. I also knew if he found out that we were hanging out as often as we were that he'd snap. I didn't want Heather or I to be on the other end of his rage.

But he wasn't around for practices, there wasn't any way he could get mad about it. And that was where I was headed right now, practice with Heather. I liked being her friend a lot, she was a pretty damn amazing friend if I do say so myself. The thought of being anything more was terrifying, I couldn't even see it happening.

But sometimes I imagined what it would be like to take her out on a date or curl up with her in bed. I'd never gone out with a girl once in my life, barely been to any of the bases. Of all of the kisses I've ever had, only one hadn't been on stage. But I was only fifteen when it happened and too nervous to turn it into anything. But even now I didn't see myself doing that, I'd never know what to do.

I try and shake off the thoughts as I head into rehearsal seeing Heather at the front of the auditorium. She was wearing a skirt again, short hair wavy and a jean jacket. I wondered if she made a point of trying to dress to blend in and wear what other people wore. I couldn't remember seeing any brandnames on her once.

I walk up to her and toss my bag on the chair next to hers. She turns to meet my eyes and she smiles.

"Hey." She says and I smile too. God she's just too pretty.

"Hey." I tell her. "Did you make it home alright?" I ask and she nods.

"Oh yeah, just dad over exaggerating. He was wondering where I was and why I hadn't been answering my phone." She scoffs. "I told him I was studying with a friend."

"So nothing major then?" I ask and she shakes her head.

"No, everything was fine. He just turned up a day early from his trip." She says with a shrug. "Apparently he wanted to have dinner with me very badly." She mumbles and I press my lips together feeling guilty for spending the whole evening with her.