Stage Fright

Chapter 16 ~ Father-Daughter Time

Heather

Oh man.

What have I done this time? I couldn't just let things be, I had to make my life five times more complicated. I just wanted to know what it would be like, if that energy was only because of an emotional conversation. I had an excuse to do it too, really do it too. Not just a peck but a full-blown kiss. I felt excited when it seemed like he was on board, like he really wanted to kiss me too. 

But fuck was the guilt starting to set in. I'd never done anything like this before and I was starting to worry about what it meant. I couldn't have that conversation with him right then, I needed to figure myself out.

I was struggling with the fact that I really felt like Josh understood me. Like we had a lot in common and like he was kind to me. Time I spent with him always felt endless, like there wasn't anything I'd change about it. He was the only guy I'd ever spent time with that hadn't tried to pull a move. He had real thoughts in his head real ideas, and he treated me like I was worth listening to.

I didn't know there were even guys like Josh out there. That were kind and sensitive and who thought things through. But was it just friendship? That was the hardest question, I didn't know what the answer was either. I half wondered if it was just the way you felt about the people you cared about. 

It was terrifying to even consider the possibility that maybe the reason I liked spending time with Josh was because I was developing feelings. That couldn't be true, it just couldn't be. We grew up close as friends, I liked the fact that he was around when he needed me. 

I was too messed up for Josh, somebody else deserves someone that amazing, not me. 

I had a feeling I just had to open up to Zeke more, that was probably where all of our problems started. Maybe I had to show a part of myself to him, maybe kissing him would be just like that now that I'd gotten it out of my system with Josh.

I sigh and dial his number on the hands-free in my car. For now Josh and I needed to stay friends and I needed to figure out how to enjoy being with my boyfriend.

"Heather?" I hear him say with a groan.

"Hey!" I say cheerfully. 

"What's up, why are you calling?" He asks sounding annoyed maybe even confused.

"I just finished at the school, are you done with your practice?" I ask.

"Yeah......um, we're done." He says and I pause, wondering why he was talking the way he was with all of these pauses and everything.

"Do you want to go out? Then we can spend some time together tonight?" I suggest.

"I have a pretty big math test tomorrow and I'm pretty tired. But I can come over in about an hour and hang for a while?" He says and I furrow my eyebrows.

"But your practice is here." I say bluntly. "Why wouldn't you just come now?"

"I have to change and.....stuff." He mumbles. "I'll see you soon."

"Oh okay, call me when you're-" The phone call disconnects letting me know he's hung up and I sigh, slumping back in my seat. That was so weird.

I slowly pull out of the school lot but I feel a pit starting to form in my stomach as I drive away. I didn't see his bike anywhere around the school.

Maybe I just didn't see it, it had to be there somewhere. It seemed like he was acting very strangely, but maybe he was upset. I couldn't be drawing any conclusions when I just kissed another boy. 

I go to my house and wait for him, wanting to see him badly. I just had to see him, to know that we had that together too, that it could be like that with Zeke. I had to get that kiss out of my head, I kept thinking about it over and over again.