Stage Fright

Chapter 72 ~ Acceptance Letters

Heather

Today is a therapy day. I'm not exactly looking forward to it, I always cry a lot and feel kind of heavy afterwards, but I know it's important. It's not only helped me get through what happened in December, but also helped me address a whole bunch of other issues that I didn't even know I had.

Today was Monday, the therapist came to the house usually so I could be in a space I felt comfortable in. I always had about a half-hour to myself before she'd show up and chat with me. I always used that time to decompress and relax slightly before I had to dive into my feelings.

After Martha had seen me in Aspen, she transferred my files and information to a different doctor here, Ainslee. She was younger, closer to my age which made her easier to talk to. She always tried to keep our conversation light if she could see me starting to slip into sadness. Overall, she was helpful. I wasn't used to sharing my feelings before therapy, other than with Josh.

This gave Josh a bit of a break, he'd never complain about it but I knew I dumped way too much on his shoulders. He felt like I was dependant on him, and I was starting to suffocate him with all of my problems. This also gave us some healthy time apart in the afternoons which was good. We almost spent the whole day together, we'd wake up together, go to school together, eat dinner together, go to sleep together.

I loved him and I knew he loved me, but that was too much and it wasn't fair. I knew that was the reason he didn't want to go too far apart for college. Partly because he loved me, but I knew it had more to do with the fact that he was almost worried that I'd be worked up and alone. I wanted him to know I'd be okay.

We'd been perfect most of the month, he was so patient with me and totally caring. We hadn't been too far on the intimacy front, but I was okay taking it all slow. Before things would progress he'd ask if I was alright, we were back to taking showers together and heavy make-outs. I was just trying to get used to the progression, not dive in head-first.

Today was one of the days Josh had work, which was more than alright with me. He'd get to help people and do math and science, which I knew he loved. I'd get some time to myself to really work on my homework. I couldn't wait for him to come over tonight so we could cuddle.

I hated thinking stuff like that because it made me seem so weak. But on the other hand, I loved doing it and I loved Josh.

I park and head inside my house so I can start getting ready to see Ainslee, I wonder what we'll talk about this time.

"Hi Heather!" Eleanor calls from the upstairs railing. "You had some mail come today, I put it in your room!"

"Perfect, thank you!" I call walking to the kitchen and getting an apple, before walking upstairs and down the hall. 

I see a pile of a few packages and some letters, obviously my online shopping had come in. The letters are mostly junk, but I stop when I see a large mailing envelope siting at the bottom of the pile. I move all of the papers back and the stamp on the front leaves me speechless.

'HARVARD COLLEGE'

"No." I mumble looking at it in disbelief. I'd almost given up on the stupid application I put in. I hadn't heard anything back from them and I'd gotten my Yale letter weeks ago. This was going to make everything so hard.

But then I take a deep breath, maybe it wasn't even an acceptance letter. Surely they must send rejection letters out too. I'd already started planning my life around Yale, my commutes my residence. This probably wasn't anything important.

I pick it up and I feel my heart sink, it had some weight in it. I sigh and open the envelope and carefully pull out the letter.

'Dear Miss Sanders,