I Remember Hue (Completed)

Chapter 24

HUE's

I AM afraid, not with death, but the thought of leaving those people I love behind. I fear the grief they might face after, the aftermath.

I remember , before, sabi ko pa sa sarili ko, ayos lang na mawala na ako atleast mababawasan na din ang hirap nina Mama at Papa, hindi na nila kailangang mag-alala pa kung kailan ako ulit magigising, kung kailan ulit ako mapapasigaw sa sobrang sakit, hindi na nila ako maririnig magsabi ng, “ayoko na.”, masyado na silang matanda para palaging mag-alala.

It's not there fault that I was born with a cancer, I don't blame them for bringing me here, but I sometimes wish, I wish I'm not their child, I wish they had a child stronger and healthier than me, someone who'll cheer them up, bring them trophies and glory, a child that other parent's wish they have.

But I don't hate myself, I hate the cancer.
I don't hate God, I hate how he brought me here only for a short period of time. And the most thing I hated? I hated how I met Mia right at the time where I feel like everyday might be my last day.

I wanted more time with her, more time para asarin siya, more time to go on places after places while she's hugging me from the back as we drive past traffic lights after traffic lights in a deserted roads.

Gusto ko ulit pumunta sa mall kasama siya at ipakita na gumaling na ako sa pagkuha ng stuffed toy sa claw machine, at kahit ilang SpongeBob pa ang gusto niya ay kukunin ko.

Gusto ko ulit makasabay siya sa Van pagpasok sa school, makasabay siya tuwing lunch break sa favorite spot niya sa lagoon.

I wanna take her on many dates, kiss her many times, and probably do some wicked things with her under the sheets. I wanna lay with her on a cold night, and just feel each other's body heat.
If only I could bargain something with death, I will give it just to have more time with her.

I don't fear death before...but she made me fear it.

Takot ako na iwan siya, takot akong umalis at iwan siyang mag-isa.
That's one of the reason why  I prayed  so hard even though I doubt my own faith to him, I prayed for my family, for myself, for Mia.

I beg for forgiveness, for some reason, the thought of being in hell scared me, not because of being burned consciously, but because of the thought that I might never see my family, and Mia again even in afterlife. Her soul is too good for this world,  even for me.

But I still prayed though, I prayed for us to be together again, even in afterlife.

MIA's

WITHIN the past few weeks, I don't know what exactly is happening. Some days are breathable, but most days were bad.

Naging school at hospital ang takbo ng buhay ko, kung minsan uuwi ako para lang kumuha ng mga bagong damit at pagkatapos ay sa hospital na. Sinabi ko na din kina Mom ang sitwasyon ni Hue kaya naging okay din sa kanila ang ginagawa ko, pero syempre hindi parin nawawala ang mga paalala saken ni Mom na mag-ingat ako, at ang puso ko.

Hue change his doctors, may kakilala kase si kuya sa hospital na siyang pwedeng mag-handle sa case ni Hue. I also kept telling him na magpa-gamot abroad yun nga lang nag-simula na ang chemotherapy session niya nitong nakaraang linggo lang.

I don't know if the chemo really helped him or just make his situation worse, mas humaba pa kase ang mga araw na tulog siya kesa gising, madali din siyang mapagod at mawalan ng gana kumain.
Pero hindi ko dapat pangunahan ang oras, I should think positive!

Everything will be fine.

Mabilis na lumipas ang mga linggo, gaya ni Hue ay naging bahay ko na din ang hospital. Ayos lang din naman saken, matalino si Hue kaya kapag may hindi ako naiintindihan ay nagtatanong ako sa kaniya at nasasagot naman niya, minsan pa nga ay i-e-explain niya saken ang buong math lesson na hindi ko talaga magets.