BTS Sickfics

Namjoon: Overdose

!! TRIGGER WARNING: Drugs, Mentions of Self Harm, and Suicide !!

request by shipjeonglix :)

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Namjoon's POV -

Life on the streets isn't easy. I feel like everyone knows that, but there's much more that most people don't see. You'd think other homeless people would be your ally, that they'd help you if you needed something, but that's almost never the case,

Most of the time, they think that you're there to steal the stuff they've earnt. And they're right to think that, because it happens a lot. Other homeless people will steal what you've managed to beg for the day, your pillows, blankets, sleeping bags. I've seen an old guy get threatened out of his own tent before. Sometimes it's kids, or drunk people. Sometimes it's even the police. But most of the time, it's other people in the same situation as you. People who don't have a roof over their heads.

When I first got kicked out of my apartment, I tried to be smart about my situation. I tried to apply for hostels, but you need an ID, which I didn't have because I got kicked out suddenly, and I didn't have the money to just buy a new one. I tried others, but lots of them were women or children only. I walked for miles to try and find new ones, but unless I had an ID, or was injured, I didn't stand a chance. There were a few that could accept me, but they had a waiting list and not enough beds.

I started trying to save my money for cheap and dirty motels, but I either didn't earn enough, or I would just be robbed of what I had. I still needed money for food and water, and the cheapest motel I could find was still £25 a night. It's not much for the rest of the world, but in a day, I'm lucky to even make £5.

Lots of people give to me. It's usually only coppers and silverware. I hope that it builds up, but it never does. I'll manage to save up and hide enough to get a sleeping bag, and within a week someone will have stolen it. They'd have the clothes off my back if I wasn't wearing them.

Then there's the actual trial of sleeping. Seoul is always busy, and it can be hard to sleep with people trampling over you. They think you're dirty, they don't really care. We try and sleep in a doorway and security or the police will clear us away. We'll pick an alley, but they stink of piss and drunkard don't always spot you. Being pissed on isn't the most fun of activities, surprisingly. No matter where you are, it's freezing, and there's stones that dig into you. Some rich bitches even think it's fun to kick you whilst you're down - quite literally. Benches are made with separators so you can't lie on them.

Food can be hard, too. There's plenty of shops that sell very cheap food. There's charities that go around in the mornings with free soup and stuff. However, when you walk into a shop with one shoe on, your coat filthy, your hair matted and stinking of shit, customers will complain, and you usually get turfed out before buying anything. Some retail workers think you'll try and steal, or have already turfed you out the doorway in the night, and will make you leave. Those charities come early, and always in a different spot. They don't get much funding, so there's never enough to go around. You have to get a special slip from the council for good banks, which again requires ID.

So that's why we turn to drugs and alcohol. It's because we have no other choice, and then once addiction starts, it's hard to get back out of it. Alcohol makes you warm inside, and therefore the cold nights don't seem so bad. It doesn't freeze, either. Drugs make the time go faster. Make the days shorter. You sleep longer. If you're lucky enough, they'll knock you out for a bit, and you truly get some time away from the earth.

They're expensive habits. Sometimes I deven forgo food just to make time slip away faster. I just want the pain to stop. When I'm not high or fucked out of my skull I feel itchy and whiny and like my brain is going to explode. I start throwing up and I can feel the blood pummelling through my veins. I feel like I turn into a wild animal. I would do anything to get my hands on another fix. Remember how I said about other homeless people stealing?