BTS Sickfics

Hoseok's Epilepsy: Burnt Out

hey! sorry for disappearing for a bit! i applied to uni, and i managed to get into diagnostic radiography! hell yeah !!

also you need to excuse that time is a little wonky in this series cause idc lmao.

request by KikiAliceBougeard :)

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Hoseok's POV -

It's been a while.

My epilepsy diagnosis came two years ago, and I've been living with it constantly in the back of my mind since. I've not really had any long periods of time free of seizures, which means I still can't drive, and I have to have extra assessments when it comes to my health during tours.

My medication works. There's no doubt about it. If I quit BTS right now, and picked up a 'normal' job, then I'd probably never have a seizure again, but I have to put my body under too much pressure as an idol.

Even though my medicine words, there's plenty of things that can cause me to have a seizure outside of what my regular brain activity is doing. Things such as injuries, head injuries, being tired, not eating well, or being too dehydrated can send me into fits. And, if you couldn't have guessed, all of those things come secondhand to being an idol.

Injuries and head injuries can easily be avoided. If I took a little more precaution, and didn't do any dance moves that were dangerous, then I would lower my risk. There's always a chance that I can get hurt, everyone has risk, but at least it will be lowered. But I haven't put my whole life's effort up to this point to just back down, and give into the disease. I want to dance. It's my passion. If I end up getting hurt, then it's just a learning experience.

As time has passed, it's been a little easier to fit in more water and food breaks. Even if the other members don't take them with me, I still get that break to take care of myself. As we get bigger, and more popular, then it's become more forgivable that we have to take a little more time for preparation. Gaps between tour dates. The fans know I'm epileptic, and are all supportive of these actions to care for me.

Sleep ties into that, too. I'm the lead dancer. I help the others when they need it, since I can pick up a dance routine in just one go. It comes easily to me. In reality, I can go to bed earlier, and sleep in later, since I don't need that extra practice. But I want it. I want to be there to support my team. I want to be there to dance as a whole group. I want to be there when the others make mistakes, and that way I can help them, and bring them up to form. I still get more than I used to, but it still adds to the fact that I'm still having seizures.

They're not as bad as they used to be, at least. If I do have a seizure, then it'll more than likely be convulsive, or focal, due to me having temporal lobe epilepsy, but they rarely last more than two minutes, and it doesn't take me too long to recover from the post ictal phase. I'm still achy and very tired for the next few days, but I can still attempt to carry on with my day. I don't have any more in my sleep, and I never have repeated ones.

I've been lucky enough not to have any on tour - yet. We work extra hard during tours, and we really lose grip on ourselves, so I have no doubt that it'll happen one day. If I have to sit for a performance because of it, then I have no control over it - I try not to worry about it. Maybe this'll be the tour where it happens ...

*

We've been on tour for maybe about a month now. They always last longer, since I need comedown periods, and I need to rest properly. The last thing I need is to have a seizure on stage. The fans have mostly already seen me have one, since that video I posted on Twitter has been reposted countless times, but they don't need that. They don't need to see me suffering like that. Not at a concert.