BTS Sickfics

Hoseok's Epilepsy: It's Not the Same

Jimin's POV -

It's been 2 months since the diagnosis, and things haven't been well. At the time, the doctor did say that there are plenty of medications, but no cure, and finding the right medication can be a long process. So far, Hoseok has tried 4 different medications, as each one needs a two week chance to properly kick in. Though, none have kicked in at all, leaving Hobi in the same state that he usually is. The one he's on now has been running for a week, and still there's no change to him. We still fill in the seizure diary, so the neurologist can see if any of the medications are making any difference at all.

Hoseok's epilepsy has taken on a pattern. Each night, he has a convulsive seizure, usually around 4 minutes long, that completely wipes him out. They happen when he falls asleep, so sometimes Hobi tries to stay awake as long as possible to prevent it from happening, but it never changes anything. He always wets himself afterwards. When he wakes up the next day, it's like he's had no sleep at all, and his body is so sore he sometimes cries. He has no energy, and just flops around the house, trying to sleep whenever he can.

Obviously, this has had a massive change to his work. He rarely dances in his own time, and when we have it scheduled, he either sits out half of it, or messes up so often he loses his temper. He's completely lost his passion. On top of that, he rarely goes to his studio, and has stopped all work on his songs. When asked about it, he just shrugs. None of us can really work out if this is because he's so tired, or if he's becoming depressed.

During the day, he has other types of seizures. They're usually absences, tonic, or atonic, but he's recently started to have complex focal seizures, and he can become quite aggressive during them. His whole life has been taken over.

Since we share a room, it's usually me who deals with the convulsions. He always gets into my bed, as he found out that nocturnal seizures are the biggest risk of death, and it makes him panic. I'm always jerked awake by him, every single night, to help deal with them. My own life is affected, and I go through each day exhausted.

Until we find the right medication, we've gone on break. We did have a tour coming up, but thankfully the fans didn't know that yet, so no one is disappointed. They are wondering where we've gone, but PDnim has decided it's for Hoseok to tell, when he's ready to.

This morning, Hoseok is going for a therapy appointment, with a special epilepsy nurse. His neurologist did say that they were hoping to get him one as soon as he was diagnosed, but there was a waiting list, and it took a little longer than we expected. He's somewhat been looking forward to it, since he's hoping to get some more answers, and find some way to help him. It feels like he lives to find some sort of 'cure', even though he knows that there isn't one. He's looked into surgeries, even, but the neurologist doesn't know enough about Hoseok's epilepsy for surgery to be an option yet. All we've been told is that only certain types of epilepsy are qualified to have surgery, so it's a slim chance that Hoseok can even be given the chance. He still holds on hope.

Last night was a particularly bad seizure, so, in the early afternoon, I have to help him get dressed. He whimpers every time he moves, and his walking is slow. He clings to me like a child, needing any form of love.

"You feeling alright, Hobi?" I ask, lowering him onto the bed so I can put his shoes on. His legs shake a little just with the effort of lifting his feet off the ground.

"It's hurting," he says quietly, trying to bend down to tie his laces, but he cries out and straightens himself. Out of everything, his back hurts him the most, since he keeps arching it during seizures.

I do it for him. "You want some aspirin? It'll help you feel better ..."

Hoseok usually says no, because he's scared if he takes it every single day he'll become addicted, but this time he says yes. That means he's in worse pain than usual. He's only said yes three times before today. I nod, and go and get him some with a glass of water. I even help him take it, since his arms are too stiff. He doesn't say thank you, but I know he's grateful, he's just feeling down.