BTS Sickfics

Taehyung: Schizophrenia

hello im back after relapsing

request by bts_armylove_xoxo 

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Taehyung's POV -

I know this sounds really crazy to say, but I genuinely think I'm going insane.

Over the past few weeks, I've been noticing things that are a little ... off. It started off as something simple, like hearing someone call my name, but when I turn around, there's no one there. However, when I woke up today, the very first thing I heard was soft music, almost like bird song, but played with harps and violins. It was so vivid, I could easily write the notes down, and make the song myself. It was so beautiful, I genuinely have the idea to.

When I first heard it, though, I thought it was coming from one of the other boys' rooms, since music is often playing in the house, and Namjoon, Hoseok, and Yoongi often play samples to each other in the dorm. Everything is just surrounded by music.

I wanted to tell them how much I loved the piece, so I got out of bed, and went to each room in the dorm, but, no matter where I went, or how hard I was straining to listen, the music wasn't getting any louder or any quieter. The boys were either asleep, or sleepily making themselves breakfast, their eyes still half closed.

"Can you hear that?" I had asked Jungkook, who was pouring a bowl of cereal, but he just shrugged and grunted. You can never talk to him in the morning.

It seemed that as soon as I had spoken to someone, the music stopped. I looked around everywhere again, but the music didn't come back, and now I can't stop thinking about it. Was it something playing outside? Or was it just some sort of dream that was clinging to me as I searched around for the source? Maybe this is my way of making new ideas for music?

If it hadn't been the fact I've been hearing people shout after me, I could have probably written it off, but now it's been added to the confusing list of things that haven't had an explanation in the past two weeks. I really feel like I'm going mad.

*

The thing about all of this, is that mental health, and psychosis are extremely stigmatised here in Korea. We've all had bouts of depression in BTS, and Yoongi is known to have anxiety and OCD, but, as time has gone on, he's calmed down a lot, and it's almost like that year of his life never happened. However, I feel like if I tell one of the boys I've started to hear things, then they'll think I'm crazy, and start to shun me.

I know it's a ridiculous thought. The boys are loving, and gentle, and when it comes to me, I know they'll want to help me find a solution to all of this. Why do I find it so hard to open up? Even if I did tell the boys, it doesn't mean I would get help from a doctor, or even from PDnim. It's scary to think I'm so alone.

No, this is crazy. What am I bringing up psychosis for? I'm okay. The in-ear pieces are pretty loud, so I could have some form of hearing loss. Or maybe I have a fever? I have nothing to worry about. I'm sure this will all blow over.

*

In the early afternoon, the music suddenly starts up again, and this time it's louder. I gasp, lifting my head a little. The music throws me off what the dance instructor was saying, and he glares at me. "Taehyung, is there something so important that you just had to interrupt what I was saying?"

I blush, shrinking into myself, but the instructor continues to stare at me, waiting for an answer. The boys turn to look at me too, and I see the hint of annoyance in Namjoon's face. He hates when someone interrupts.