𝐌𝐘𝐒𝐄𝐋𝐅 | Hwang Hyunjin

1.5

- - oh Ana - Mother mother ; Highschool sweetheart - Melanie Martinez - -

I looked at the ground.
I didn't dare to look up. My vision was blurry.
I front of me were standing my mother and Mrs. Yang.

My sister was sitting in the corner, smirking.
My mother slaps me.

She doesn't do that often. It was mostly Mrs. Yang who hit me before.

"Why did you do that you little brat? You don't deserve to be in this family!", she screamed crying.

"I- I didn't wanted to kiss that girl- it- it just happened", I cried. It was so hard for me to get out words.
My mother slapped me again.

"We didn't raise a pig! How dare you! You're such a whore!", she continued crying.
"Just because we told you you couldn't kiss a boy, that doesn't mean you can kiss a girl. That's even worse!", Mrs. Yang grabbed me by the hair and comes closer.

"I swear it wasn't me, she just did it", I cried.
"You're a liar!", Mrs. Yang got really angry.
She pulled my head down by the hair.

I let out a short whimper, that really hurt.
"You are such a disgrace. I can't believe I gave birth to you. Mrs. Yang, bring her to the white room."
Mrs. Yang looks at my mother.

"Are you sure?", she asks. My mother just nods.
"What? The white room? What is that, I-", I started to panic because I had had no idea what was going on.

But Mrs. Yang just dragged me with her.
The grip on my arm was way too strong, I could ready feel the marks that were gonna get left on my skin.

She went too fast, I couldn't keep up and I fell.
My ankle hurt like hell, but Mrs. Yang just kept dragging me. "Get up from the floor, you dumb piece", she said. I got up trembling like hell and I didn't even had a moment to take a breath, she immediately dragged me with her again.

We went so deep into the house, I completely lost track where we were, we went into a part I never saw. I never knew our house had rooms so deep down here. We stopped finally stopped and I could take a breath. In front of us was a door.

It was a big metal door, it looked like a safe or something like that. She opened the door and before I could even see what was in there or how the room looked, Mrs, Yang pushed me into the room. I fell to the ground. My palms and my knees were hurting so much and I was still crying.

Some dudes came in and took off all of my clothes, I couldn't even do anything against it, it. Then, they walked out and took my clothes with them. Mrs. Yang looked into the room one last time.

She had so much hate in her eyes looking down on me sitting there on the ground like a complete loser and disgrace.

"We will give you some time to think", she said and closed the door.
I stand up and run to the door as quickly as possible, but it was already closed.

I couldn't even properly see where the door was. It was all white. Just like the rest of this room. I turn around and take a look. It was all white. And there was this weird look about it. It was so bright. I've always thought this was what heaven looks like, but this didn't felt like heaven at all. The room seemed to have no ends, I couldn't see any corners. It looked endless. It was so bright and clean, not a single object, not even a single speck of dust.

The only thing in this room you could see that wasn't white was the small spot of blood my knee left earlier. But even that blurred with the rest of the room because of my tears.

And there was no single sound. It was like I could feel the silence around me.
It felt so strange.

I already couldn't stand it anymore in this room. It made me go crazy. It feels like hell. I don't know why, but this brightness felt like I'm dead. Maybe I was dead. I started crying again. I hammer against the wall, in hope someone would hear me.

Why would anyone do that to me? This was really the worst feeling I ever had.
"I didn't do anything wrong", I started to scream.
"Let me out, let me out- let me-"

I suddenly wake up.
I was breathing heavily.
In the first moment of shock, I don't know what to do.

While before, the brightness was eating me up, now it's the darkness.
I just stare into the darkness for a really short moment.

But then the tears burts out.
I just had to cry.
It's all I can do right now.
Hyunjin also sits up next to me.

"Soomin, it was just a nightmare", Hyunjin says.
He hugs me tightly and he lays me back down, still holding me.
"Just calm down. Everything is okay", he says with a calming voice.

And I am so thankful right now. I am so thankful that he is there.
I bury my head in his chest. I am still crying and not really calming down.
Hyunjin pats my head.

"It's okay. Nothing happened, it was only a nightmare."
"It wasn't a just nightmare."

That was what was more scary. Nightmares mostly aren't realistic, bust this here was too realistic. I often had nightmares recently. And I hate them too. But deep down, I knew that they never gonna happen because they were nothing real.

But this here isn't a nightmare, it's a memory. It already happened to me. And going trough it again is the worst pain ever. It seems like such a harmless thing at first, nodbody would think a room in white is the scariest situationI had to go trough. But this room really was so fucked up, even tho it was so simple, it wasn't in some ways.

I never wanted to think about that ever again. I only got into this room once, but I will never again. The second time I was supposed to, my family didn't survive.

But I am still scared.
I am so fucking scared.
"Hyunjin, I don't want to think about it. If I close my eyes again, I will have to go trough it again. I don't want to think anymore. This will never leave me again", I cry.

"I'm here, Minnie. I'm here to protect you", he says, still in a really calm voice.
But even that can't help me.
"You can't protect me from that."
I look up at him.

We are so close, our noses are nearly touching. He wipes away my tears with his thumb while looking into my eyes. He looks me deep into the eyes.

But then he closes them. And he comes closer. His lips touch mine.
Wow. I didn't see that coming.

But I just let him do.

And the kiss' effect is just as unexpected.
It makes me forget everything, it makes me feel better, just out of nowhere.
It feels right.

He pulls back again.
"I will protect you. You are not alone, I am here. You understand? You are not alone."

It feels like now, his words actually reach me and before they didn't. And he's is right.

This is not the same than back then. I am not alone.
But I don't get it.
I don't get it how he could make me feel better.
~~~~~