𝐌𝐘𝐒𝐄𝐋𝐅 | Hwang Hyunjin

3.1

- - Loser - Bigbang - -

I'm alone.
That's what I am now. I messed up big time.
There's so much I regret. I wish I could turn back time again. Turn back time to when I met Felix.

I wish I never told a single lie. I just want to spend my life with these boys. Until the end.

But guess today is the last time I saw them. And I can't even say goodbye. They don't know how much I love every single one of them, I can't tell them. They won't believe me.

I go into my room and take my suitcase. I just throw in all of my stuff. I take my briefcase and my phone and then I leave.

This all happened in less than 5 minutes. And I don't really believe it. It is really happening. I go into the escalator. It's just feels so unrealistic. All of this. It's just so much. When I arrive outside, I look back up at the apartment.
Wow.

These boys, my most favorite people on the world will probably hate me until the rest of my life.

And I can't do anything about it. But I deserve it. They were my family, my real family, they felt like a real family. And I ruined everything. I don't deserve a family. I only deserve to be alone.

I turn back around at to face the street.
That's it. I'm by myself.
That's how it's supposed to be. And that's how I always will be. And like this, I start running. By myself. And I cry again.

I don't care that I'm still wearing a party dress and not wearing any shoes or a coat even tho it's cold, I don't care that everyone sees my makeup that is completely ruined because I cried so much, I don't care that anyone' sees me crying again, I don't care that I'm probably scratching the suitcase I'm dragging behind me. I run as far as I can.

~~
Jieun's pov

Minnie <3

Hey Jieun

U need to ask you for
a favor

Can you tell the boss that
I quit

And I'm sorry about your dress
I can't give it back now I will send
it to you per mail

I'm so sorry

I'm really sorry I couldn't talk to
you anymore

I love you please keep that in mind

Wait Soomin what happened

Are you okay

Did something happen

You are scaring me is everything
okay?
not delivered

I am so confused. What do I do now? It's literally 6 in the morning.
I try to call her.

But her phone must me turned off or she blocked me.
I have no idea what's going on.

So I call Felix.
"Hello?", he says. He doesn't sound really good.
"Did something happen?", I ask him.

He doesn't answer.
"Felix, are you okay? What is going on?"
He still doesn't answer.

"Hello, Jieun?", I now hear Changbin say.
"Changbin! Can you explain to me what happened?"

"Uhm, so Hyunjin and Soomin, wait not Soomin, I don't know what her real name is, had a big fight. She lied to us the whole time. I don't really know what's going on either. We can tell you later everything."

"Wait, is she going to kill herself? Please don't tell me she's going to kill herself. She send me these messages that she quits and that she loves me and that I should always remember that."

"I don't think she's gonna kill herself. She's way to egoistic to do that."
"What the fuck are you talking about?"

"Jieun, can we talk about this tomorrow or another time? We really need to sleep now."
"Okay, bye."
I sigh.

I don't know what to do.
I really don't want anything to happen to Soomin. And everything Changbin told me doesn't make any sense.

~~
Soomin's pov

"Hello", I say politely to the shop assistant and lay down the big water bottle. I really need to drink something to get the alcohol out of my body. I'm still feeling dizzy and like I could throw up every moment.

"Hello. Aren't you cold, honey?", she asks nicely.
"Thank you ma'am, but I'm okay. Uhm, could you tell me where the nearest motel is, please?", I ask back.

Luckily, there is one not far away from here.
I pay and immediately drink the whole water bottle when I was out of the shop, but then I threw up. After throwing up, I at least felt a little better.

I realize that my feet are bleeding because because I was running without any shoes the whole time. And I am getting really cold, so I went to the motel the woman told me.

In my room, I lay down on the bed and message Jieun.
After that I delete all of my contacts and my Instagram account and any other possibility where anyone could find me or contact me.

I go into the small bathroom and look into the the mirror. I look like a fucking mess.

My eye-make-up is all over my face and because I cried so much. My eyes are swollen and I have red marks in my face where Hyunjin grabbed me.
My neck also got bruised.

It wasn't right from him to do that. But I deserve it. I also would deserve it if he hurried me even more. I deserve everything he said to me. I'm a horrible person. 

Maybe I also deserve to die. But to be honest, I don't want to kill myself.

That's for weaklings. And I just need to start all over again. I probably won't have the chance because they gonna call the police on me.
Whatever.

~~
Felix' pov

How could I be so dumb? It's all my fault. I was so naive. Why didn't I notice that something was wrong?

I mean I went up to a stranger that was bleeding and crying and telling me not to call the police. She's a crazy person, why didn't I notice that?

I just want to turn back time to that day.
I wish I just never talked to her. I should've just ignored her.

"Are you Okay?", Hyunjin comes into the room.
I shake my head.
He holds out his head and makes a little head movement. I know exactly what he wants to say.
So I take his hand and he helps me getting up.

Together we go into Soomin's old room.
It's so weird to see it like this.
Without her.

It's so cold and trist.
I look into the closet while Hyunjin sits down on the bed.

"Mh. She only took her own clothes with her, she let us our clothes", I notice.

"Oh wow, that's unexpected. I was sure we would've been stolen everything."
"So she doesn't steal."

"As if that would change much."
I sit down next to Hyunjin.
He just stares into the room.

"You know what is weird. I hate her so much. I wanted to fucking kill her. But I still love her. I know that it would still make me feel better if I would see her smile and I would still feel the butterflies if I could kiss her", he says.

"That's normal. I mean, we spend so much time with her, she grew to our hearts. She made us happy. And that doesn't go away."
He lets himself fall onto the back.

"I just hope that the feelings go away das fast as possible."
"You really really were in love, weren't you?", I look down to him.

He smiles.
"You can't even imagine. Oh god that's so fucked up."

"What do we do now? Do we like call the police? I mean she confessed a murder to us", I ask.
"Can't we just forget her? If we do that, we will still be in this whole thing. We should just end this chapter, I think it's about time."

~~~~~