𝐌𝐘𝐒𝐄𝐋𝐅 | Hwang Hyunjin

3.2

- - bye bye I finally disappear from your life - msftz - -

! Tw: depression is mentioned !

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Soomin's pov

And there it goes. I started a new life.
At first, I searched for a place to stay and I found a pretty cheap apartment. I still stayed in Seoul, but a different part of the city. I found a job that pays enough at a club as waitress.

I also changed my looks a little bit. The make-up got more, I dyed my hair blond and let it grew a little longer.
And I found a way there to make even more money. When you look young and pretty, you have some advantages.

There are a lot of guys that come to the club that have little bit too much money. They pay me to go on a date with them or even more when I sleep with them. I get nice gifts and I get a lot of money. I often can spend my days in nice houses, apartments and hotels and I can afford a lot more.

It's kinda disgracing, sleeping with all of these men just for money. But I it's not like I have decency or pride anymore so I don't really care about that.
I don't have any friends, but I don't need them.
It's not like I really try to get friends, I don't let anyone near me.

If anyone tries to talk to me, it depends from my mood if I try to reject them politely or if I just straight up say that I don't want anything to do with them.

My new life is pretty trist.

I'm never really happy anymore. I can't even feel happy anymore if I think about happy memories, because they all hurt so much. I don't really feel sad either. I just don't feel anything anymore.

It feels like a big black hole in my chest that gets bigger and bigger and just eats me up. But I can't do anything about it. I don't really want to do anything about it. I just have to live with it. I'm living for months like this. Guess this is how I have to life until the end of my life now.

~~
Chan's pov

To be honest, no one got over it. It took some time so that we kinda could live a normal life again.

The thing I noticed the most is that there's often this silence. We often came into these situations where nobody says anything, everyone is just too busy with their own thoughts.

But in this rather trist time I got to be very productive. It's weird how emotions can inspire someone. Not only the good ones, also the sad ones. I had some time to produce and wrote new songs.

After some time, we all started to be more optimistic again. We got a little bit more energy into our group.
But it's harder for some than than for some others.
Felix took some time until he was the first time happy again.

And it hit Hyunjin even harder. He's still not really over it. Even if he pretends he is. He's just so different.

He's just acting so cold and you rarely see him laugh again. And when he laughs, it's just so different. He has panic attacks regularly, he's going to the doctor but nothing really helps.

He also picked up some pretty bad habits. He nearly doesn't sleep. He either works until very very late, he also works out way too much or he goes out.

He often sleeps with girls in some hotels or something. It's dumb. And I already told him that. But he won't listen. Sometimes I really wish Soomin would be there just to talk to him.

~~~~~
(A/n)

For the first ones: u notice how bored I am

I just have nothing else to do lol

Actually I do have but I just lost the control over my life help

And this chapter is like really really really short but I don't want to make it too boring bc I feel like that wouldn't be fitting but I also kinda think that this is too short I am so conflicted