𝐌𝐘𝐒𝐄𝐋𝐅 | Hwang Hyunjin

4.2

~~
Hyunjin's pov

I hold her hand as we walk around the roof of the building. I don't even know what this building is, but it's quite high.

And I don't really think it's legal to be up here, we went trough some trapdoor in the ceiling because we wanted to see what it looks like up here. You have a good view from here, all over the city.

It's so pretty.

And it seems to be so quiet up here. Even tho it isn't. There's some wind because we are higher up and you can still hear the traffic, even tho it's not that loud.
But everything seems so peaceful.

We sit down on the ground against some block of stone, I don't really know.
We still are holding hands, I didn't let go of her hand since we got up here.

Nobody says anything.
Soomin leans her head against my shoulder.
I take a deep breath.

I feel so good. It's so perfect, just looking over the city at night on some random rooftop with Soomin.
I have to smile.

But something is missing.

"I'm sorry, but I need to smoke", I say.
It kinda ruined the moment, Soomin has to Lift her head up because I moved.

I take out a cigarette.
She looks confused.
"You smoke?", she asks me.

"Please don't be mad", I say.
"You can at least also give me one", she says to my surprise.

But I have to smile. That exactly why I feel better around her.

It's not the healthiest for me and I know Chan and the others only want the best for me, but in some moments I don't need someone who is bickering, like this early in the morning like he was. It was just too much for me.

I didn't slept the whole night, I knew that I had to practice all day and I wasn't motivated at all.

And then the fact that I am really under pressure all the time when I'm with any of the boys because it feels so bad to keep such a thing from them. I wasn't really in my best mood and Chan just got mad at me for no reason. In this moment, I just want to have my peace.

I take out another cigarette and put it in between Soomin's lips. She looks me in the eyes the whole time.

She looks so cute. How can someone look so good with everything they do? I light on her cigarette while she doesn't stop staring at me.

"Thanks", she mumbles and lays her head back down on my shoulder.

God. When someone would see us like this, would they notice how messed up we are?

I mean we are pretty messed up. An idol who just is completely against his morals and breaks every rule there is for him not caring about losing his job and a girl with mommy and daddy issues that is also a murderer and that took on a new identity and they both just want to escape reality.

Wow.

It's really funny when you think about it like that.
But could I be happier in this exact moment?
No.

When I look at the whole picture, of course I could be happier. But in this exact moment, I am the happiest person in the world.

And like that, we just stay for some time. I don't know how long it was. But I was just enjoying it. And nobody needed to say anything. Even tho it is freezing cold up here, I'm not cold. It's like the butterflies in my stomach keep me warm.

"I think I need to tell them soon that I am seeing you. It's really really hard for me to keep that from them."
"Yeah, I mean if you are ready to, you should do it."
"I don't know. I think I am. But I am still so scared. What if they tell me to break up? Or what if they completely hate me after that?"

"You can't know it if you don't try it."
She's right with that. I really should just tell them. They will get over it. And I mean Jieun was so happy when I told her. They don't need to react like her, but maybe it's not that bad.

Oh god. I can't believe I'm going trough that just for a girl I like.

"Minnie?"
"Mh?", Soomin looks at me.

"I love you, you can't even imagine how much."
She gives me a soft smile and kisses me.

"I love you too, Hyunjin", she whisperes.
I notice that her eyes are getting watery. Is she crying? Or is it just the cold up here?

"Is something wrong?", I ask.
She just shakes her head and kisses me again.
"Are you cold? You're shivering", I notice.

"I'm good."
But I still take off my jacket and give it to her.

She stands up and goes to the border to look down. I follow her and grab her hand again.

The border isn't secured or anything, it's just a little bit higher, maybe 30 centimeters high and 30 wide.
"Oh my god, can we recreate this scene from Titanic?", I ask.
She laughs.