𝐌𝐘𝐒𝐄𝐋𝐅 | Hwang Hyunjin

3.4

~

I lay down on the bed. It's 8 in the morning. And I am really tired. And I just want to sleep. But I know I won't sleep now. All that is on my mind is that I saw Hyunjin again. I saw him twice today.

And that were the weirdest moments in my life. It's so confusing. I thought I ended this chapter of my life, I thought I'm finally over it. I thought I could just move on and try to live a more or less normal life.

But guess deep down, I still wasn't over it.

And these incidents today triggered this shit that was buried in the back of my brain to come back and now I can't stop thinking about it. And that's not really a good thing.

I finally lived with the fact that they all will hate me until the rest of their life's. I accepted it. I accepted that I need to get over it. And now he just shows up not once but twice and has to mess around with my mind.

Was he stalking me?
Or was it really just imagination?

Am I going crazy?
I think that's the question I need to ask myself.

Ugh.

I get up one more time to get ready for bed, so go into the bathroom. I look into the mirror.
I just stare at myself for some moments.

I observe my hair.
I kinda hate it. The longer I look at it, the more I hate it.

My dark roots are showing again, they look really noticeable in my light blonde hair. And it's also getting too long.

I don't know why my hair is growing so fast. I wanted to have longer hair again, but now I hate it.

It's just way too long for me. So I search for a pair of scissors in my apartment and I actually found some.
After that, I go back to the bathroom and look at the mirror again, now with the scissors ready to cut off my hair.

Mh.

This gives me flashbacks.
I still remember the last time I cut my hair really clearly.
I also thought I was alone back then. And I was so angry.
Little do I knew that now, I am really by myself, no one is around.

And back then, I did it because of my family.
I did it because of the rage I had against my family.

And now?

Now I don't really know why I want to do it. Probably just because I feel like it, I mean that's kinda better. Because it's my mood. And that's the spirit. Yasss.

So I take a deep breath and just start cutting. And it feels great. I kinda feel the same emotions theb back then. It feels like a relief.

After I finish cutting my hair, I observe it closely in the mirror again. I look more like myself again, if that makes sense.

And I kinda look like Kenma from Haikyuu. I really need to dye my hair again, either completely black or blonde again. Or maybe another color, I don't know. But for now, I am satisfied. And I really should get to sleep.

~

When I was working in the club the next day, I saw Hyunjin again. And it starts to get really weird. It possibly could just be an illusion again. But it's still so weird.

Am I really going crazy?

I saw him staring at me, but this time, I didn't look away. But he looked away after some moments just took a sip out of his drink.
It looks a real for being imagination.

This wasn't the only time. I saw him a few times the next weeks.

"Soomin, are you okay?", one of my coworkers, Ilseung, asks.
I nod.
"Are you sure? You look a little pale? Don't you want to sit down?", he keeps asking.

"Uhm, I have a question."
"Go on."
"You see the dude with the black longer hair that are tied into a ponytail over there?", I point at Hyunjin, trying to not be to obviously so that Hyunjin doesn't notice me.

"Oh, yeah, right there, the dude with the mask? I can't really see it but I think he's really handsome. Why are you asking?"

So I'm not just imagining it. He's there.
It feels so unreal to see him again, just like this.
"Uhm, no specific reason. I just already noticed him a few times, he comes here pretty often."

"Oh, do you want to ask for his number?"
"God, no."

It didn't stop after that. Every time I saw him, I tried to act like I didn't notice him. But I wasn't very good at that.

As soon as I made eye contact with him, I felt this shiver down my spine. I'm still trying to figure out, why he's coming and if it's good for me or not.

Because to be honest, everyday, I wish he's coming again, just so that I can see him again. But I am still scared of him. I'm scared every time he looks at me.

~

"You were right Soomin, this pretty guy is really coming here often", Ilseung notices.
"But what kinda scares me is that he's always looking at you. Did you ever noticed that?", he asks.

"Oh- uh- no, I Never- noticed that. Are you sure? I don't really think."
"No, he is. He never tried to talk to you?"
"No, never."

"Mh, that's really weird. Hey, are you okay? You look a little sick again. Are you stressing out about something."
He really is beginning to annoy me, but never be rude to people that you have to spend a lot of time with.

"I'm okay."
"Should I bring you home later?", he asks.
"Uhm, I don't think you have to, my boyfriend is coming later."

In that moment, I can see how Hyunjin is standing up. He goes over to a girl and talks to her. I don't know why I am still staring this much. So I go back to cleaning the glasses.

After some time, I need to look again, I can't just act like he's not there. And he's still with this girl, but now, they are making out.

"Oh my god, I didn't wanted to see that", I mumble and quickly look away again. It's really disappointing seeing him like that and I really wish I didn't, but I mean what did I expect? I have a boyfriend too. Not only one to be honest. So I'm not better. It still hurts so much.

~~~~~
(A/n)

Wassup besties

I just wanted to say that I love to see when some of yall are like really invested in this story and feel the emotional roller coaster I wanted to create

I LOVE YOU ALL THANK YOU <3

That's all