CHECK YES JULIET ▷ JAMES POTTER [1]

𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐔𝐃𝐄. 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐀𝐅𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐌𝐀𝐓𝐇

COKEWORTH, NOVEMBER 1979

JULIET WAS DEAD AND JAMES was drunk in an unfamiliar town. Snape's hometown, in fact. He immediately hated the place and not because it was where his enemy grew up — it was where his girlfriend had died. He was told she drank poison, but the circumstances around her death were far too suspicious for it to be true. But he refused to think about what couldn't be changed. Instead, he peeled himself from Juliet's stone cold body and stumbled into the nearest bar. After having already lost his parents, James was tired of crying.

No amount of liquor was able to make James forget though — forget Juliet's dead eyes and stone cold skin. When Moody realised what was going on, he had ordered James to look away. James didn't listen. He never does. And now the image of her corpse was permanently burned into his brain, forever searing and scorching.

     "Potter?"

     His reaction was slower than it should've been considering he was training to be an auror. As he was exiting the bar, James whipped around at the sound of his name. It had been such a meek sound that it might as well have been a whisper in the wind. A part of him questioned if he was imagining it, if he had finally cracked. Then, he saw her and his broken heart stuttered.

     For a split second, he thought it was Juliet. Then he blinked and it was only Lily. Across the road, Lily Evans had her arms wrapped around her body in an oversized hoodie that was far too big to have been her own. In the wind, her vibrant red hair whipped around her like a tornado and her emerald eyes skewered through him.

"Evans?" called James, crossing the road to talk to her. "What are you doing out at this time? It's late."

    Lily didn't immediately answer. After a long pause, she sucked in a deep breath and asked, "Do you think I'm broken?"

He was caught off guard. "I don't —"

"Be honest." Her voice cracked and she continued, "Because I think I am. I mean, this is the second time I've been on a date with someone and it ended in disaster. They have all these expectations of me and I can't give them what I want because it's like — like there's a black hole where my heart should be. I feel absolutely nothing when they touch me or kiss me and I want to." Somewhere in the middle of her confession, her pretty face crumpled and she released a wrenching, ugly sob. Like the dam wall had broken at last, tears began to gush from her eyes. "Merlin, I want to. I want to be a normal nineteen year old, but we're at war and there's so many things I'll probably never be able to do. I've never even. . . you know. Tell me, please, what's wrong with me?"

     "There is nothing wrong with you." On instinct, he wrapped his arms around her. He squeezed her like his will alone could hold all of her shattered pieces together. "And you shouldn't be going on random dates, trying to force something that isn't there. You deserve better than that, Lily. If you do have sex, it should be with someone who cares about you and will treat you right."

     Still in his arms, Lily tilted her chin up and met his dilated pupils. "I don't care about any of that. Also, you stink of alcohol."

     James didn't think it was the right time to tell her about Juliet, so he said, "I wish I had a black hole for a heart, that's all."

"Let's swap," she suggested, laughing through the tears. "I wish I could feel like you do. It's as if there's a countdown clock over my head, knowing that we could die tomorrow, but there's a brick wall every time I try to go beyond kissing. Nobody wants that. Nobody wants someone who's damaged and distant." Her doe eyes softened almost imperceptibly. "The worst part is . . . you're the kind of guy that I want to want. Now that I know you, I see you for who you are — your passion and your commitment, the intensity and vivaciousness in which you love, I see it all. And if I had a choice, I would've loved you. I would've loved you in every way a person could love another from the beginning."

A dangerous thought seized the boy's alcohol-addled mind. "Not everything has to be about love."

Her breathing hitched. "You're with Juliet."

"Juliet left me." There was no emotion behind his statement. He was numb. "I've had love and I'm done with love. You want love and you don't love. It seems obvious to me. No strings required."

Lily recoiled. "It's not that I don't love. More like, how many people do you think want to be in a relationship with someone that isn't sexually attracted to them?" With a sigh, she bitterly added, "I can't be a fully functioning human being for some stupid reason and —" The Gryffindor closed her eyes and tried to clear her mind, to be responsible, but all could see were neon numbers on a clock ticking down to her death "—and I don't feel anything for you, but my parents are out tonight. I — I, um, have the house to myself."

He stepped closer to her. Neither of them felt a spark as they bumped chests. "You sure?"

"Yeah," she replied, "I'm sure."

It should've been the film climax — the moment Lily Evans and James Potter finally kissed. After all, he had dreamt about it for years. Yet, it was sloppy and unpracticed and nothing like he had once expected. But, in spite of all that, he followed her back to her childhood bedroom and they worked in disharmony, stripping themselves of their clothes between his urgent kisses and her mechanical touches. Come morning light, Lily Evans had one more thing ticked off her bucket list and James Potter had left through the window. It was then the end credits should've rolled.

Life went on though, no end credits. Not that he regretted it — anything was better than loving a ghost.