🩹scared | taegyu

🩹sixty-seven

not scared anymore. 

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

the months go by quickly and soon enough, beomgyu has his own bedroom in his new home. he goes to regular therapy sessions to unpack and deal with his childhood trauma. and is on the route to living a better life than he has in the past. beomgyu is happy. 

hyejin and yongsun takes beomgyu back to his old house to get the rest of his things, even the things he hasn't bought with his own money. daehyun sneakily unlocks the door for them when the adults aren't home and keep a lookout whilst they try to pack as much as they can, as fast as they can. jaehyun and taeyong even loads his tiny desk into yongsun's car. 

they bid tearful goodbyes that aren't even real goodbyes, because next year, taeyong and jaehyun are moving in across the street from them. but right now, it feels like a goodbye. beomgyu hugs jaehyun extra tight and whispers "take good care of taeyong, alright?" before they part ways. 

they practise waking up later and taking the bus to school, because now taehyun doesn't have to walk through the gates by himself. beomgyu usually falls back asleep as the bus huddles along the road. taehyun shares his earbud with him everyday and kim feel lullabies sends him to dreamland. 
  
  

it's almost august, the summer holidays have just started. it's almost a year since taehyun had his new beginning. it's almost a year since he started to fancy beomgyu. and it's almost four months since he attempted to end it all. they've come far together. taehyun has done well. 

 and now they're back where it all started. beomgyu kicks his feet under the picnic table. he picks at the chipping wood like he did the first time they met. today the red door doesn't swing open and soobin doesn't interrupt them, everyone is on holiday or sleeping in at the moment. 

the summer breeze rustles the leaves of the tree in the middle of the school yard. birds chirp their cheerful melodies and taehyun feels at peace. he listens to beomgyu hum a quiet tune and can't help but smile. 

he turns to look at his boyfriend. beomgyu's hair hasn't been cut in a while and it's growing into a messy mullet. they dyed it from ash grey to chestnut brown a few weeks ago. taehyun thinks this is the best beomgyu has ever looked. he's healthy, happy and he's pretty sure beomgyu feels loved too. this is character development. 

"taehyun," beomgyu suddenly says, grabbing the younger's hand carefully. they keep eyecontact for a few minutes, taehyun doesn't really know what to expect. he'll probably just blurt out some lame joke. 

the wind blows beomgyu's hair into his eyes. taehyun pushes it out of his face with his spare hand. beomgyu's eyes look so pretty in the sunlight, he can't help but stare. taehyun can't believe that beomgyu loves him. it feels so lovely, just sitting here with him. 

"you know i love you, right?" beomgyu asks, squeezing taehyun's hand a little tighter. 

"hyung-" taehyun lets out in surprise, "of course i know!" 

beomgyu smiles, he feels a little lame after asking about something that obvious. taehyun smiles too, beomgyu is his favourite person ever. he's even cooler than his mommy right now. 

"beomgyu?" he asks, looking at his boyfriend with puppy-eyes. 

"you know i love you, right?" taehyun copies him and beomgyu hits him on the shoulder. 

"stop it! i just had to make sure you knew!" 

"i know, i know, hyung." taehyun giggles, wrapping his arms around beomgyu. 

"did you know that this is called a heart hug, gyu?" taehyun whispers into beomgyu's neck. 

"no, that's so cute. how do you know that?"

"when i was in the hospital i read it in one of the magazine's eunwoo gave me."

"how does it work?" beomgyu asks, he just wants to hear taehyun's voice. 

"it's when both huggers approach the embrace with their left sides." taehyun explains.

"usually we unintentionally start the hug from the right, because it's more protective and further away from the heart. so heart-to-heart hugs are more personal and intimate." he quotes the hospital magazine word for word. and  smiles as beomgyu hugs him a little tighter. 

"this is one of the best moments i've ever had with you." beomgyu whispers. 

"i wonder how different next year will be and the year after that." taehyun says, looking up at the blue sky through beomgyu's brown locks. 

"i still haven't figured out what i want to do with my life. i don't even have a dream yet." beomgyu sighs and taehyun pats his back lovingly. 

"that's all right, gyu. things take time. we'll figure it out." 

they sit in silence for a while. it's comfortable. beomgyu used to think silence was dangerous, he doesn't anymore. they're recovering from everything that has happened in the past. and they're doing it together. 

"i'm so glad i met you." taehyun says in almost a whisper after a while. he runs his fingers through beomgyu's hair and hugs him a little tighter. he closes his eyes, feeling the tears pressing from behind his eyelids.

"i'm not scared of coming to school anymore, because i know you'll be here." he whispers, hiding a sniffle. 

expressing love is hard sometimes. it's a little scary too. but taehyun thinks that love should be expressed no matter what. he should tell beomgyu honestly. he should be brave. you should be brave. 

"i'm so glad i met you too." beomgyu smiles, kissing taehyun's shoulder, "because now i'm not scared of going home anymore, because i know you'll be there." 

they smile. 

because they're not scared anymore. 
and you don't have to be either. 

   

!! end !!