🩹scared | taegyu

🩹forty-three

the loneliest in the world.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

taehyun listens to his mum and yongsun bicker from the office upstairs. they're debating loudly about which sofa they're going to keep when yongsun moves in. he hates that they're so in love and happy with each other, right in front of him. he's happy for them of course, but he wants that happiness too. 

the longing for beomgyu still lingers in his chest. he lies on the couch with an aching heart. heaving out a heavy sigh. this seems to be his permanent spot, on the green sofa in the living room. either here, or hunched over the toilet. and the latter isn't preferred. 

taehyun doesn't know why he's suddenly so attached to the sofa. maybe it's the fact that the happiest moment in a long time happened here? he doesn't want it to be true, but he knows it is. 

the doorbell suddenly sings it's tune and taehyun's eyes close automatically. he has gotten used to pretending to be asleep when visitors come over. that way he can avoid anyone who might trigger another crying fit. which happens often these days. 

yongsun rushes down the stairs, taehyun can tell it's her, she always extra quiet around the house. she opens the front door and bursts out into a million 'hello's' 

familiar voices fill the hallway and a gross feeling grows in the pit of taehyun's stomach. he opens his eyes and sits up. he has visitors, visitors that'll make his heart clench and long for someone who doesn't love him.  

soobin enters the living room first, wearing a large, white hoodie and beige, checkered shorts. he slips along the floor in his fuzzy socks with an apologetic smile. waving a hand towards taehyun who's smiling sadly back at him 

"are you alright?" he asks, adjusting his glasses. the ceiling light hits one of the lenses, showing off all the finger prints soobin has accidentally left behind. how can he even see through them with all those smudges?

"not really." taehyun says and watches as yeonjun locks hands with the tallest in the group. it makes taehyun's heart swell, soobin deserves this so much. even though he's is jealous, he feels  happy and proud on their behalf. 

yeonjun smiles, showing off his newly taken smiley piercing. it suits him and makes him look even prettier. he's wearing a pair of widelegged jeans with large pockets and a t-shirt stolen from soobin's closet. 

huening kai jumps towards taehyun before the other can tell what's happening. the youngest's curls bounce on his head. he needs a haircut, because his hair looks like a helmet on top of his head. huening kai is rocking a pair of black overalls, with a yellow sweater. he resembles an ecstatic bumblebee. 

"are you feeling any better, hyung?" the youngest asks, almost sitting on top of taehyun on the sofa. 

taehyun sighs, shaking his head. he feels his heart crack a little inside his chest as beomgyu enters the living room next to a stern looking yongsun. just seeing him makes taehyun's heart ache. he feels so ashamed for loving him. 

beomgyu looks down at the floor guiltily as he catches taehyun looking at him. he's wearing a pair of loose, light blue trousers and a black cardigan that hugs his chest prettily. taehyun recognises the black piece of clothing in an instant, it's his. 

it's the cardigan beomgyu borrowed as a jacket when he walked home after sleeping over. taehyun is unsure of his current feelings. he doesn't know whether or not to be angry. maybe after a little lie down and a crying session he'd be fine again? 

the four sit down around him on the chairs and on the sofa. wanting to know if he's okay. but taehyun can't hear their ranting about how school sucks without him. because he can't keep his eyes off of beomgyu. 

the grey haired boy has red eyes and plastered hands. taehyun's heart swells at the mere thought of beomgyu borrowing other clothes from him. he painfully aches for them to be a pair. taehyun wants them to be happy together so badly, he wants to call beomgyu his boyfriend so fucking badly. 

however, taehyun also really wants to punch beomgyu in the face. and then kiss his pain away. taehyun hates living with this horrible uncertainty. all the 'what ifs' are hauting him like a ghost.

because what would've happened if beomgyu hadn't pushed him away? or if they had handled the situation differently? would they be happy now? would they be happy together now?

huening kai strokes taehyun's brown locks with a sad smile, as if he can read all the thoughts occupying the older's mind. taehyun knows the other's don't understand him or his feelings completely. it's too hard to explain with words. 

they other's are happily chatting amongst each other, munching on the biscuits yongsun offered them a few minutes ago. everyone except taehyun and beomgyu. they keep their gazes in their laps, overthinking everything that they've done. because the 'what ifs' are haunting the both of them like a bad dream. 

taehyun feels all alone in a room full of his friends. that feeling has been lingering for as long as he can remember, and it only subsided when he was happy with beomgyu. but now beomgyu's gone, and he's alone again. 

beomgyu also sits by himself, patting down the plasters that are losing their glue, protecting his scarring hands from germs. he regrets punching those holes in the wall by the stairs, but what hurts the most are the words his step-mom had yelled when she noticed the wall after work. 

he never wanted to repeat those words she had screamed out loud, nor remember them in his memory. they were the ones that made him feel the worst. the words that made him feel the loneliest in the world. 

"this is why your mum left you. choi beomgyu, you are uncontrollable and dangerous."

beomgyu's heart clenches in his chest and he feels the tears brim in his eyes. he looks up, catching the attention of the boy he loves the most. taehyun's eyes look the same as his, swollen and red. 

beomgyu can almost read his thoughts, he knows taehyun feels the same. he knows taehyun longs for him the way he does too. but he knows taehyun doesn't understand why he's acting like this. and he doubts he'll ever let taehyun know. 

he's far too ashamed and afraid of hurting taehyun more than he already has. but when beomgyu looks into his eyes, all he wants to do is jump up from the lounge chair and hug him until he's out of air. 

because right now, beomgyu swears they're the loneliest in the world.
 

☁️

alexa play whalien 52

i have so many new readers and i'm really glad you all like my story. i love you ♡

please suggest a name i can call you all collectively. i don't really think bubs, cuties or "hey guys" is very personal when refering to my readers lol