🩹scared | taegyu

🩹forty-one

the moment i want to run away

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

taehyun nervously cracks his knuckles. his feet refuse to walk through the school gates. it feels as if someone is strangling him from behind. he's suffocating.  

today there isn't anyone who spots him fidgeting by the entrance. beomgyu doesn't even bat an eye in his direction. and it hurts so much taehyun almost can't breathe. it makes him want to scream until his lungs collapse. 

the sight of pure digsust in beomgyu's eyes is etched into his mind. taehyun can still feel the force of beomgyu's hurtful push. how he kept going on and on about how this wasn't right. and taehyun just wants everything to end. 

he leans forward, forcing himself through the gates. repeating a familiar sentence in his head. no one is looking at you, nobody cares about you. 

 taehyun's hands shake as he wobbles along the paved school yard. he's too late to be early, but too early to be late. the students who come to school by train or bus are already here. but those who cycle or walk aren't. taehyun is lucky today.

at least half the students haven't arrived yet. no one cares about him, so no one pays attention to him. 

    

        

in the lunch break taehyun sits glued to soobin's side. he doesn't even know why they're still by the table with the others. taehyun itches to leave, he can't stand the sight of beomgyu. it burns his eyes and ties knots around his heart. 

soobin and yeonjun share secret looks across the table. taehyun can see the way soobin's cheeks turn pink when they quietly play footsies under the table, the others are oblivious to it, well, except taehyun. 

"how was your trip, hyung?" huening kai suddenly asks and soobin snaps back to reality. 

"my ehm- ohh yeah it was super fun!" 

"what did you do excactly? you were away for quite some time." yeonjun adds, with a curious look on his face.

"we went camping in gramps' rv. and it got really chilly in the night, so i had to share my bed with sohee and yeonhee to keep them warm." he smiles happily. and taehyun can't even think of doubting if this is sincere. it definitely is.

"but we had a fun time, grams even bought us disney+!" soobin smiles at the others, remembering how him and his sisters had binged phineas and ferb. (the superior choice of show on disney+)

"oh my god! you should've let me come!" huening kai whines with a playful smile. 

"me too!" yeonjun chimes in and beomgyu raises his brows. 

"you're so fucking childish." he snarls rudely and soobin's smile falters.

"what-" the boy with glasses starts, he huffs and he resembles a balloon with a hole. the air is slowly seeping out of him and it makes him look wrinkly and sad. 

"i just can't believe you're so childish! and that you hang out with you sister, who are eight years old. you're an 11th grader for god's sake. not a five year old girl."

"beomgyu, quit arguing with soobin." yeonjun spits, "remember what taehyun always says!"

"don't break soobin. he's our safety net." huening kai quotes proudly, wrapping an arm around soobin. who shrinks in his seat. 

"whatever, i don't care what taehyun says. i don't care what any of you say! you're so stupid and annoying. and i can't believe i was your friend taehyun!"

"why are you so angry?! what the fuck have we done?!" soobin yells, hitting beomgyu's chest. his ears are red and he's visibly angry. 

"don't hit me! i can't believe i was your friend. especially taehyun's!" beomgyu screams out in disgust, raising a fist. taehyun feels small and wants to leave. his stomach knots and he feels like vomiting. 

"you deserve it! and what has taehyun ever done to you?! you were the one who messed up, you fucking wanker!" soobin yells back, pushing beomgyu's shoulders, huening kai tries to stop them from fighting across the table, but fails miserably. 

"do you think it's my fault?! did he tell you it was when he came running to you for tissues?" 

"what have i ever done to you, beomgyu?" taehyun says, trying to stop the tears that are threatening to fall. his eyes sting and he gasps for air between the hiccups. 

"you ruined my life."

"what the hell is going on?" yeonjun asks, confused since he isn't in on the drama yet. but don't worry, soobin will fill him in later. 

"how? how did i do that?! do you regret it that much? you were the one who initiated it. you started, you literally pulled me onto you! it was you who started it!"

"what the fuck did i do wrong? i even apologised!" taehyun cries out, grimacing in pain at the thoughts of kissing beomgyu resurface. 

"you're an insecure loser, kang taehyun!" beomgyu shouts,

"with your heart on your sleeve and an anxiety disorder! i shouldn't have done it. and you know why."

it sounds as harsh as you imagine. and it cuts deeply into taehyun's heart. 

this is it. with a wounded heart that'll take forever to heal and teary eyes, taehyun experiences his first dejavu ever. it's a memory from a few schools back. and the same feeling spreads across his body. this is it, the moment i want to run away. 

"i get it. just please stop. i disgust you, i understand. just please stop." taehyun whispers, standing up. 

"hyung, i have to go. i have to, i can't stand the sight of him." taehyun whispers to soobin, but everyone at the table hears him. 

and then he hurries away, with no intention of returning to his classes after lunch. taehyun hurries in the direction of the school gates.

ignoring the shouts of soobin and huening kai in the distance. and when he sees seulgi approach him in confusion, he starts running. 

the tears stream down his face as he runs with all his might. it hurts to breathe, to cry and hearing beomgyu's words. you're an insecure loser. he runs through the gates, unable to hear anything from the real world. now he can only hear beomgyu in his head. 

and as he runs towards the zebra crossing, another voice booms in his mind. the voice he has dreaded all his life. it's his own. you disgust me, kang taehyun. you should've died back then. 

he runs to cross the street as a sharp pain pierces into his heart. 

the tears blind him, so he can't see if any cars are coming. therefore, he's oblivious to the car speeding towards him at a pace that atleast gives you a 100£ fine. he's too broken to even breathe properly. 

and in a split second, taehyun is going to look just as broken on the outside.
  

☁️

taehyun is broken.
me too lol. sorry for ruining everything. this book is my outlet...