🩹scared | taegyu

🩹twenty-nine

a secret for now

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

(this took so much more effort than usual to write. my anxiety wouldn't let me consentrate)

"how come you came home so early?" hyejin asks as she enters the bathroom. taehyun spits in the sink and stops brushing his teeth to answer her. 

"i felt a bit sick. and i was tired." he says, before continuing to brush his pearly-whites. hyejin nods and starts brushing her teeth too, standing next to taehyun in the mirror. 

"ahh-" she smiles, almost reliving memories from the past again. 

"raindrop, i remember when you could barely reach the tap and had to use a stool to wash your hands." she says, patting the sink with her spare hand. "it feels like just yesterday you were running around here in your diapers."

taehyun smiles too, listening to his mum speaks so fondly about him made his heart happy. he had no memories from his life before he turned ten, do kids have that? he doesn't think so. but he has so many fond memories of him and his mum's recent adventures.

taehyun changes into his jammies and says goodnight to hyejin. who kisses him on the forehead, saying she'll be in bed soon too. and he shuffles into his bedroom, switching off the lights and snuggles himself into a ball under his duvet. 

taehyun closes his eyes. he waits for everything to turn calm, soon he'll be asleep. but he's wrong. the minutes tick by and he can't even force a yawn. he's not even a little bit tired. 

and what's occupying his head other than the thought of not getting enough rest? a certain boy is taking up all the space. soon there won't be any room left for maths equations and the second world war. 

taehyun's mind drifts off into what seems like endless fantasizing about the two. shared smiles, sitting close together, holding each other close and maybe even holding hands? 

"taehyun-" he whispers to himself, "that's taking it a bit far, don't you think?"

and as it escapes his mouth, all the thoughts in his head turn negative. the butterflies die in his gut and everything suddenly feels numb. 

"this is just in your head, hyunnie-" he whispers. 

because in the end, beomgyu won't magically fall in love with him. this isn't some coming of age movie made in hollywood. this is real life. his little fantasy is too far fetched and simply idiotic. don't you think?

tears sting in his eyes as the thoughts pile up in his head. and he bites into his hand, to stay quiet. the tears prickle down his cheeks and he sniffles his nose. a painful feeling sits in his stomach and his heart hurts. 

the air hurts to breathe as the sorrow takes over him. why is he acting like a hormonal teenager all of a sudden? everything is crumbling to pieces and the tears won't stop falling. he heaves for air and every gesture feels so overdramatic, but he can't help but feel like this. 

everything is so overwhelmingly painful. he wraps his arms around himself, patting his own back to comfort himself in the dark. it makes it easier to breathe calmy, but it still hurts. it hurts so bad, but he doesn't know why.

taehyun tries his best to think happy thoughts, afraid he'll wake up his mum. but it doesn't work. everything is him. even the arm he has wrapped around himself, feels like him, "almost like he's holding me."

happy thoughts, taehyun. seeing his smile, watching him run around like a fool with his friends. hearing his laughter, taehyun smiles. his laugh is so nice. happy thoughts. sitting next to each other, hugging, holding his hand. 

"kissing beomgyu." taehyun whispers as the ache takes over. and he can't hide his crying anymore. everything just comes out all at once. "kissing beomgyu-" 

taehyun lies in a heap under his duvet, sobbing quietly into his pillow. after a few minutes, he manages to calm down a little. sniffling quietly as he rubs hus back. but a knock on the door shuts him up completely.

hyejin pokes her head inside, her hair is messy and her t-shirt is hanging off her shoulder. as if she has abruptly been woken up by something. probably taehyun's crying. 

"raindrop. are you alright?" she asks, walking inside, shuffling over to his bed in the dark. he doesn't answer, isn't it obvious?

she slips under the duvet too, switching on his bedside lamp as she sits down. taehyun's face is red and his cheeks are wet. hyejin doesn't question it and puts his head on her lap. running her hands through his hair quietly. 

the last few tears prickle down taehyun's face and he feels finished. finished with everything. they stay quiet. what is there to say? taehyun doesn't want to talk, or, maybe a little. the silence is a bit much. 

"how did you know you were in love with yong-sun, mommy?" taehyun suddenly asks.

"it's a long story," she says, before adding "or it isn't that long-"

"we've got time. how did you know?" taehyun asks, closing his eyes. 

"we met coincidentally at the shopping centre a few years back, and i guess she was just really hungover that day-" hyejin says with a laugh. 

"because i was on my period, right? changing my pad in a bathroom stall. and her hand slipped under to my side, and i thought 'what the hell?', because a nosy hand that belongs to a stranger is over on my side." taehyun nods, hyejin's fingers tickle his scalp as she runs her hands through his hair. 

"and then proceeded to asked me, 'what flavour are those, can i have some?" taehyun furrows a brow along with the story. and hyejin bites back another laugh. 

"and i was like 'what the fuck you talking about?' waving my pad in the air and she went 'those crisps you're enjoying all by yourself. can i have some?" hyejin laughs and taehyun does too. 

"after that we kind of just stayed friends. and i knew i really liked her, because it's such a fucking stupid mistake. and it really stuck with me and makes me laugh all the time."

"so it was love at first sight?" taehyun asks, opening his eyes, "well, love at first weird bathroom conversation?"

hyejin thinks for a moment, before nodding, "i guess it was. why are you so curious all of a sudden?"

taehyun doesn't answer. he only pulls his duvet to up under his chin, closes his eyes again. hyejin wipes his cheeks with a hands. and then starts running them through his hair again. 

"are you in love with someone? is that why you're asking?" she asks, with a small, knowing smile. taehyun can tell she's smiling, even with his eyes closed. 

"i'm not sure yet." he says with a sniffle. 

"can i ask who it is?" she asks, "or is it a secret for now?"

"it's a secret for now. i'll tell you when i'm sure i like them." 

☁️

and thank you so much for 1k+ votes! WHAT THE HECK!? i'm so thankful for all of you cuties voting and supporting me!

i love you and i honestly can't believe you're still sticking around? wow i must be fantastic at this fanfiction stuff  :D /hj