The Augury

Part 92

[Portia]

At times I wish I can jump up and down on my mother grave dig her out of the hole and smack the bitch in her, but mostly take my life from her,
How can she hate me so much to go to an extent in hiding my identity?

You see it was easy, she was married to the most gentle loving man on earth, no one ever thought or recognized that I was not his biological daughter, being the only girl in the family I became his pride and joy, l was born with a disguise to I look like my mother, talk like her, followed her footsteps and became a nurse and fucked up so many lives with my actions which proves that I am my mother's daughter, I hate her,  worst part I hate my self even more for turning out to be like the last person I thought I will ever become,

But who am I? You see, I am a secret. I am a secret daughter. I was born from an affair, a product conceived out of an affair. 28 years ago, in King Edwards hospital I entered the world. On my birth certificate which was filled out in the days following, all the details were completed, except for one. The section ‘Father’, where my biological father’s name should compile been written, was instead Jomo Biyela the man my mother was married to, the man who also did not know my true origins who was just happy that his last born child is a girl.

While my mother could have provided the correct name for that certificate, she did not. And with this, in one symbolic moment, my identity was forever, officially intertwined with this secret that I had never had a choice in.

I want to take my life back and not live my mother's dark shadow becoming her double danger, I feel like her spirit is tormenting me even in her death I still see her in me every time I look at myself in the mirror.

So here I am sitting in my car  looking at the house...a  house of where it all started,
The Nene residents, my biological father's house, the man that not only destroy my life but destroy two homes, I blame him the most... He is still alive anyway so he should take the blame.

My feet carried me inside the yard I found my self saying :
" sanibona "
I'm standing by the door, I would have loved to have prepared my self but the reality is that I found her in the kitchen, cooking and my prepared speech just flew out of the window

" hay baby it's good to see you "
She smiled and stopped cooking and walked towards me and hugged me, walking me inside the house
Me: I'm sorry to walk in here unannounced "
She smiled and looked at me,
Her: this is home baby ... How are you ?"
Me: I'm ok  ...."
Her: mmm and Nozi?"
Me: she growing up so fast but naye uyaphila  "
She nodded
Her: I meant to call you yazi Portia  I'm so so sorry for the way I ambushed you the other day...  "
Me: it's ok I guess that the part of the reason I'm also here "
Her: oh... I see  "

I sat there playing with my hands looking down while she continued cooking and glancing at me, Sindy's mom is the sweetest person I know, she smiles a lot and has that warm heart that just welcomes you in.
To this day I still wonder why did my mother hate her so much to sleep with her husband for so many years even worst create a life with him.

Me: Ma Susan may I ask you something? "
Her: yes baby "
Me: did you know about me ?..."
She breathes out loud and pulled a stool and set down, she then looked at me
Her: why now? ...why do you want to know about your Father...?"
I cut her off,
Me:  please Ma don't call him that... " I snapped, she nodded
Me: I'm sorry..."
Her: it's ok "
Me: my intention is not to dig on old wounds but I feel like my life is not moving at all in repeating history "
Her: you talking about how Nozi was conceived"
Me: yes...that and the fact that I feel like I was responsible for Siswati being arrested for committing a crime of passion ...just like how my mother did to you "

She breathes out loud and nodded
Her: I knew he had an affair  ... A child somewhere but I never thought it was my best friend women I considered my sister..."