The Augury

Part 133

[Mvelo]

"We need to talk it's urgent !"
Me: I'm kind of busy Menzi can this wait? "
Him: NO! do you have a guest in your palace called Impi Nxumalo?"
I swallowed and popped my eyes open, fuck shit just got real
Me: why do you ask? "
Him: something bad happens to Jabu and we believe this guy is behind it if his there his probably running "
I cleared my throat
Me: look Menzi I hear what you saying and I'm sorry to hear about Jabu, but ikhanda lami limahlaka hlaka okwamanje, Sbahle is sick and I'm running the household on my own, look I don't mean to be insensitive but I will ask Thabani to call you back with whatever information you seeking"
I dropped the call before he could say anything further, I bite my lip in frustration.

" Fuck!"

I held my face in trying to think or calm my self down while I placed my elbows on my knees,

" Mnguni"

I slowly raised my head to her soft voice, I looked at her small puffy eyes and smiled.
Ever since we got her out from the water this morning she has been asleep, and I was just seating in my favorite chair looking at her, she looked so peaceful yet so Angelical, my last wish was for her to wake up to this mass in the royal house
Me: Ndlonkulu "
She smiled and tap the side of our bed,

I moved my hair from my face and made my way to her, I took off my sneakers pealed the covers, and snuggle her, she rested her head on my chest and no words were spoken,
I felt my t-shirt getting wet she crying again, I squeeze her tight and she let out a soft sob, why are miscarriages so painful I mean they don't speak of the shattering sobs that run through your whole body late at night.
They don't tell us of the emptiness that often manifests as a physical pain runs through my body and in my heart, right now I  feel numb. Scared. Confused. Angry. But yet I need to remain strong for Sbahle,

This is what it means to be a man. Or so I thought. You are the rock against which the waves of her emotion break. Besides, you can’t have a situation where every adult in the house is a teary wreck. My tears seemed like a terribly selfish indulgence, especially when I saw my wife questioning her own value as a woman, a woman whose own womb had betrayed her.

Me: Sthandwa sami I know that you feel lonely and isolated. Alone in your grief and pain.
I know that you wish to go to sleep, to wake up, and to find that it has all been a horrible dream.
I know that you blame yourself for the death of our baby. You wonder if there is something that you could have done to prevent the miscarriage. And you feel like a failure, I know that you worry that this miscarriage will affect our relationship. You fear that the grief will drive a wedge between us, but I need you to stop warring I love you more than I loved you yesterday or the day before, I'm so sorry that I cant take away the pain you feel, but know that you aren't alone we in this together, Sbahle there is no timeline for your grief...but self-blame must end now, just Be patient with yourself. Be kind to yourself. Know this above all, we now have another angel watching out over our family"

Her: I'm so...so sorry "
Me: shoo it's not your fault my love, "
Her: Gogo Ndoni talked about cleansing "
Me: I need you to rest and let me deal with that ..."
I kissed her forehead and continued to rock her, after few minutes she was out again,

I placed her head gently on the pillow, kissed her lip, and ran my hand on her small smooth face.
I stepped into the bathroom, placed a towel over my face, and screamed, I found my self slide down the door and I just cried out loud, a loss is never easy and this by far the only chance I'm going to get to break down, I need to stay strong for my wife and kids,

After a few minutes of crying I finally gain the courage to stand up, I washed my face, change my t-shit and stepped out, I looked at Sbahle one more time sleeping in our bed and my heart just breaks I just wished that I can carry a part of her pain with me.