The Augury

Part 35

Narrated 

In Mbazwane Inn

Austin set  by the balcony looking outside he never thought he will come back home, especially coming back under these conditions he was the middle child surrounded by girls, and the only man he looked up to did not accept him the way he was, 

He so wanted to cry to say sorry...to say why? To turn back the hands of time at some point he found himself saying  This is not how the story was supposed to end, his parents are dead and before he could make a manse with them, just the thought of that made him mad.

Because of anger and the mistake he made his heart started to pump so hard that something crack in his hand he looked at his hand and realized that  he was holding a glass of juice,  the glass on his hand felt like a stress ball and after he  squeezed so hard that it shattered in his hand 

" Fuck " he screamed, alarming Nkosi who just finished dressing up, 

Nkosi: " ooh my God you bleeding " 

Austin: "I'm fine " 

Nkosi: " let me get a towel ... what happened? " 

Austin just sigh and made his way to the sink to rinse his hand, Nkosi being a forever caregiver in his life understood him and how he can go from zero to hundred with his moods in a split second his family was his dark side of his life that he capt buried in his cold heart, Nkosi believed that he is this cold man he is today because of his family.

Nkosi: " you know If your mind is always filled with things that happened years ago, you going to have a heart attack"
Austin: I'm fine...are you ready to go ?"
Nkosi took his hand and started rubbing it with an anticipative " you’re not giving your mind a chance to be filled with what will help you have a better future and how you suppose to deal with your pain. " 

Austine: "I have you as my future when I'm with you I don't feel the pain"
Nkosi smiled it how he  always managed to melt his heart that has made their relationship this strong, this was not about  "I love you "  kind of relationship, it was more of belonging 

Nkosi: I know but what about the present moment? can you just stop living in the past and keep beating yourself up over past decisions, regret, and anger...

Austine: " if only it was that easy, Nkosi you the only man that ever love me for who I am, the man who played a part in bringing me into this world tried so hard to change me and turned me into this busted I am today"  

Nkosi: but he did not love you any less " 
Austin: his dead how do you know ...." 

Nkosi: " he wanted to make a manse with you before he died even wrote you letters that you have never read, babe I believe that all your answers are there "

Austin: but that is just a one-sided conversation, ( he said standing up running his hands on his hair ) you know I just realize now that I really loved my parents never ever thought they will die so soon " 

Nkosi: I know how you’re feeling. I know the exhaustion that stretches across your skin and the emptiness returning to your chest, after long years being away from home, ( he sigh and looked at him )  babe I know you want to huddle in bed right now instead of going to your mother memorial service, but I also know you ache to be part of your family, You yearn to be longed for. You want people to see and welcome you,  You may be younger then Gail but to her, you her big brother and she looks up to you, deep down I know you hope to be that person for them a person worth loving"
Austin: I have done so much wrong to everyone just because of anger"

Nkosi: but I know You’ve changed. Yes, you entered this year on uncertain feet, without any direction, and you leave this year with more scars and more purpose. You’ve been humbled. You’ve opened your heart and had it crushed, opened your heart, and had it seen. You’ve seen vulnerability and betrayal, grief, and broken spirits. You’ve cried in my arms a million times and alone on our bedroom floor. You have heard me  say a million times that this pain you walk around with is temporally, even this pain of losing a parent will probably last your whole life but time heals all wounds, so cry if you have to scream brake something let it all out "