The Augury

Part 148

[ Impi]

Sleepless nights.

Aching heart.

Nightmares.

Paralyzing fear.

Nausea.

Hot burning tears.

Agony.

Pain.

Sorrow.

Disappointment.

Hearing those words I am sure something or someone comes to mind. Your heart feels that familiar sense of ache and the negative memories are now at the forefront of your mind.

Take a moment, let that pain stay. Feel it. Introduce yourself. Ask what it is that it’s trying to teach you.

Once you become familiar with your pain, you’ll start to be able to breathe normally and think with clarity during the moments that used to rid you with anxiety.
The special kind of pain that I am referring to is shame.
And shame can be unbearable.  
It raises questions like:

...Why did I feel the need to do it...
...Why didn’t I just walk away...
...How did I get so far from who I am?...
...Why wasn’t I honest with anyone about just how depressed I was?...
I want you to feel shame guilt, pain because when I get you out... I want you to be tormented by what you did to Jabu for the rest of your life "

I feel her breathing over me, while I buried my head under my arms,
Me: you were forced to take this case ain't you "
I said slowly looking at her,
She folds her arms and looks at me, this woman is hot...beautiful and her face tells me she doesn't take bullshit from anyone
Her: I'm here to get you out of jail...like it or not it's my Job "
Me: but as a woman you hate me "
Her: you attacked one of our own why wouldn't I?'
I nodded
Her: but Ke Mr. Mnguni I'm here to do my job ...I'm not your friend so stop with this crap you trying to pull ..."
Me: finally that's out of the way ...you can continue with your motion"
She rolled her eyes
Her: So Mr. Mnguni the day of the incident ..."
I looked at her bord as shit, I cant still wrap my head around the fact that I'm being called Mr. Mnguni, it sounds strange but yet it gives me that warm feeling of belonging,

Her: today I can't do this with you while you busy daydreaming "
Me: I'm sorry you were saying ?"
She huffed, clearly annoyed, her name is Okuhle Ngubabe she is my lawyer a bloody good one if I may add,  too serious and uptight,
We clash a lot me and her, she is so
adamant and wanting to win this case regardless of any implication,

You know what  they say about casualties,
in a war, there are always casualties. Never winners, but always plenty of casualties, and my unborn baby and Jabu especially, fall under that category.
I was told to plead 'not' guilty when I wanted to say I'm guilty... I love Jabu, yes and her being pregnant with my child, and the best part her deciding to keep the baby made me want to take the fall for my actions, but word got out that I'm a Mnguni and now I'm not seen as a rapist but more of Jabu being a typical lose girl coming on to me and tainting my image.

As a father to be I don't want that image on my child's life that he /she was conceived out of rape...or better yet her mother was a drunk slut who threw herself at me and screamed rape the day after.
I just wish I can change the hands of time to make this whole mass go away.

" that's it for today will talk tomorrow "
Me: Okuhle "
Her: yes "
Me: whatever you do to get me out of here don't Put Jabu on the stand "
Her: what ?"
Me: she the mother of a child I don't want any stress on her"
Her: I can't promise you that ..."
Me: I believe you are paid to do what I say, I am your client !"
I said standing up, she called my name while I called the guards to escort me to my cell, I turned and looked at her