The Augury

Part 117

[Mbali]

" I trust you won't kill each other "
Becky: we fine Mbali... Thanks again for helping us where did you find Black Jesus ?"
Me: Black who....?
Before I can finish they are laughing and recalling their days in the dark world,
Ziqubu looked at me with sleepy eyes, it was so strange that Becky told him to sleep over he will leave when the tiredness wears off.

I don't know what transpired in that other world they were locked in that they suddenly have this strange weird behavior around each other, urg it's annoying, I mean it's beautiful but I'm sick and tired of being the one that is connecting two lost souls it was first with Sfiso and Cebo, now it's Becky and Ziqubu, what about me?

I'm starting to hate my life, I do things by the book, follow in my gift not once have I questioned my calling but it's takes so much from then give back, I too wish to return to warm arms after a long day from work, but that is just a fantasy or just a memory now.
You know growing up We’ve all been trained to think that love is this life-altering, mind-blowing, amazing be-all-and-end-all.

Fuck them! they lied. It hurts to love. It's like giving yourself to be flayed and knowing that at any moment the other person may just walk off with your skin.
Love Jabu even when I felt her soul not connect with me anymore I loved her, do I feel her essence with mine? not at all it's like she existed in my past life not in my current life yet I long and yearn for her lips, touch, to hear her loud mouth spitting fire.

I smiled to my self as I walk out, my life is crumbling down and I have no sense of control over it, I live to save lives but mine is slowly perishing,

You see I always thought that if I was a given that one day I would marry and have children with a God-fearing woman.
Obviously, I’ve got my parents, sister, and brother that adores me, but other than my family, I don’t really feel like I’ve got support. My friends have partners, so I play a smaller part in their lives, while they play a bigger part in mine.

If you ask me I think it’s important to find love. I can’t imagine what will replace not doing that because I’ve done everything else I’ve wanted to. I’ve traveled the world with my job, and I’ve now given that up because I was hoping to settle down. I think it’s the sense of belonging I hanker after. My sister lives an independent life away from family, three years older than me, she seems as if she has figures her path and passion.
While I still wonder where I fit in,

" where have you been "
Me: working "
Her: Mbali I hate that man you call your father and you made me stay with him the whole day, do you know how uncomfortable it was "
Me: his your father LT, the least you could have done  is just smile and forgive the old man, he is after all on his death bed "
Her: urg it will take a miracle to reach that phase in my life "
Me: this was never about us, mom and dad had their problem but you chose to take sides"
Her: you were too young to understand how that man was towards us urg I'm not going to try explaining my self to you now...hamba kuyihlo uyakudinga"

I looked at her I was too exhausted to argue with her, she always wins and can talk for days,
Her: I will be in your house "
I rolled my eyes yeah right where else can you be? she walked away while my phone beeped, I froze.
These days I hate the sound of my phone all I ever hear is bad news there is nothing joyful about answering my phone anymore, I slowly look at it with a revolted look on my face.

" hi Mbali, Jisha is coming back to Capetown please kindly check up on her when you get time "
I read the text about two to three times, There are at least eight primary or basic emotions a human can express its interest, joy, distress, anger, fear, anxiety, surprise, and contempt all of this was associated with a single facial expression that I had, is this a sign? Is this good news or another bad news, do I trust, let my gourd down, should I shield my wounded heart, God why is my life always a puzzle.
Me: sure " I switched off my phone and finally moved and opened the door. Another wave of emotions took over, God I need a break.

" Mntungwa "

I said softly he smiled or I think he did, he had an oxygen mask on, I sat by his bedside, holding his hand,  Slowly his breathing changed, became more ragged. I looked down suppressing my tears but my eyes caught the tips of his fingers that had turned blue. His skin smelled different. His breath started becoming a rasp, then a rattle.
It sounded awful. I was sure he was in pain.

" what's wrong with him"

I was scared my first instinct was to call the Dr, The doctor reassured me that he was not in pain this was a human body dying naturally, shutting down, one beat at a time.

" do something...he woke up this means he can still survive right? "

I said to the Dr but he shook his head, he said he could give him something that would make him at least sound better, but it would really be more for us than for my father. “My job,” the doctor said, “is about prolonging people’s lives. Anything I give to your father now would simply be prolonging his death.

He pats my shoulder and left, looking at my daddy's eyes I felt helpless we had not, of course, talked about any of this with Dad beforehand, I had no plans for this, no idea of what he might have wanted. But who am I kidding It would have been a very difficult conversation.
I wiped my nose and sat next to him holding his hand, his eyes blinked and a tear fell down on the corners of his eyes, I look down and cried too, this just became a sitting game...
So we waited ... Wait for the machine to start singing the alarm that it over,
Funny how I have been around death so many times but it still feels foreign.

" mmmm," I said as I felt something touching my head ... I'm in deep sleep and hope I can remain in this peaceful slumber I'm in, the poking did not stop I slowly lifted my head I was in a hospital ooh I must have dozed off while reading my father a newspaper, I looked up and our eyes meet

" t...th...them..."
Me: Mntungwa your mask!" I jumped up from my seat trying to help him, he shook his head
" the....m"
He was trying to talk but was losing too much air ...and getting weak
Me: Mtungwa stops this ..."
I felt his grip on my t-shirt he pulled me to him with his last strength
" the ...m..themmmba...laahaami "
He then dropped his hand as his breathing changed, I put on his mask and look at him, he kept nodding while I tried to make sense of what he said
"The...m...THEMBALAMI?"
He nodded rapidly ... I held my mouth realizing that he wants to see my mother, 'Thembalami' is how he used to call her.
.
.
To be continued