The Fall

47. Reality

3.2.21

Benji's POV

I ducked under a blow while trying to get some time to think. I know that everyone around me is in danger, but I can't get a single thought to come to the front of my mind. If I don't think of something soon, someone's going to die. If I were to guess, someone is already dead. I should have planned this out a little bit better, but for some reason, I didn't think that the humans were strong enough to contest us. I shouldn't have underestimated them as they did to me. That was my downfall, and I wouldn't do it again if I had the chance to.

It's come to the point where I have to let everyone around me get out by themselves. I have to think for myself for once and put everyone else's lives into their own hands. I'm necessary to the integrity of our cause, so I have to get myself out first. Once I called out for retreat, I had to let everyone else do their own thing. Life is a fragile thing, and all I can do now is look out for my own. It's not personal to them; it's just how people think. Psychology says that I should focus on myself, so I will.

I kicked the man holding me down directly in the balls, and he fell back away from me. I stood up straight and looked over the fray going on around me. I searched for people I knew, but there didn't seem to be any. I don't know where anyone else would be other than Connor, and I took it as a clue to go when I didn't see him. I hope that the people in front of me get themselves out, but it's now out of my hands. I ran out of the main entrance straight into the forest, but I wasn't able to get far before a searing pain spread through my calf.

I toppled over into the underbrush while holding onto the now bleeding wound. It didn't take long for me to learn that it was a bullet wound. The projectile seemed to have gone straight through and out the other side of the leg, but I was pretty much useless when it came to walking. I don't know if I can continue without help from someone. I guess that's the double-edged sword of leaving everyone else behind. I didn't think about the possibility of getting injured along the way.

I dragged myself through the dirt using my arms, and I was glad that no one noticed me. I know that many people will be looking for me, but I'm content to take my sweet time getting there. I don't want to be criticized. It's inevitable, but I can prolong it for a little bit, at least. I know that I deserve their criticism, and I'll accept them when the time comes. That being said, I wouldn't mind bleeding out before I got there either.

By the time I had gotten about 100 yards, I was absolutely exhausted. The frequency of my dragging movement had dropped down to once every fifteen seconds. All of my joints were screaming at me, and I was super close to giving up. I don't know how close to the meetup clearing I am, but I could really use a bit of a break right now. A medic would be really nice right about now. I wish that we could have used my original plan; it would have been much more sound than this one. Maybe the merpeople will change their mind and stand behind us again now that we lost. Although we had been hit pretty hard, that would lead to even less trust in my ideas... This is so much harder than I had ever thought.

Once I got pretty close to the meeting area, I was barely able to keep myself going. Navigating through thick bushes and sharp fallen leaves really takes a toll on a person. I know that I probably had scars all over my face, but that was the least of my worries. The hit I would take to my reputation after this is even worse. Even more important than both of those, though, is the number of deaths on my hands. I know that they aren't directly my fault, but it sure feels like it.

There came a time in the bush where I decided that I needed to stand up to get farther. Needles poked into my eyeballs, and the foliage was thick enough that I couldn't get through. I struggled my way into a standing position, but the pain in my leg came back in waves. However, I was shocked to come face to face with Connor. He looked stressed out, but he didn't appear to have any bad injuries. I could tell that there would be a few bruises on his face tomorrow, but it was pretty good for the amount of blood I saw in the fortress.

"God, Benji. Are you okay? Why are you in a bush?" He looked me up and down, and I could tell from his expression just how much of a mess I looked. I could feel all of the leaves caught up in my hair, and my face was in a scowl. It's almost like I was taken outside and dragged through the mud. Well, that's close to what happened. I dragged myself.

"Well, I made my escape after fighting for a while because I decided that my life was more important. People who signed up to fight can fend for themselves. After I escaped, I kind of got shot in the leg at some point in the forest. I had to drag myself the rest of the way with a bullet hole. I'm in pain, are there any medics in the clearing?" Connor's face was shocked, and he quickly lifted me out of the bush. Sure enough, my leg had a large hole in the front, and the skin was starting to show some signs of infection. I should really get that checked out.

He carried me into the clearing, thinking the same thing I was, and there was a bit of confusion amongst the people. It was a little bit frightening for me to be brought in front of them so soon, but the injury I sustained should show how much I tried. I may not have done my best to get everyone out, but I've realized something. I have to give my own life a little bit of value before I think about others. It's what my husband and friend have been trying to tell me this entire time. I guess that I finally believe them.

Connor brought me to a medical professional who instantly started to clean my leg and stop the infection from spreading. It was dead silent while they treated it, and I was able to listen to the hooting of the owls. I was light-headed from the lost blood, but it was nothing compared to the nerves I felt. I have a lot to work on, and I'm ready to accomplish it with open arms. I have to help the people I care about before it's too late; this is my reality.