Craving him-The Secrets we keep

04-Back to school

Arielle

January 4, 2021, Monday

Blaine is driving me to school today, lately me and Blaine have been good. Except the obvious he doesn't share things with me. I have been trying to get him to open up but it doesn't work.

Blaine walks into my room and the door slams open, it hits the wall with a bang. He jumps on my bed laying on his back staring at the ceiling. Today he wore a Jean jacket with a shirt of a rock and roll band and black jeans with black boots.

I grabbed his arms to get him off of my bed "your shoes are on my bed Blaine" I yell half laughing.

I tried to pull him off and instead I landed on top of him. He smiles with a huge grin on his face, he puckers his lips so I could kiss him. Rather than give in to him I tried to get up but he grabbed my wrist roughly holding me in place.

I tried to wiggle off of him and comments "that's not going to get you out of this. If anything it's just getting me hard".

I laugh "I know". The surprised was clear on his face. He stared into my eyes, I sit up on his lap with him still holding my wrists together. I start rubbing my self against him I watch as he tries to keep in his moans not trying to let me have any power over him.

I lean in to kiss him, he breathe heavily into my ear he whisper into my ear "There isn't anything I want more than this".

I stare into his eyes and I can't catch my breath. He kisses me when I stop I whisper "I know".

He let me go and I put my hands to his face. His face is warm I stare into his gunmetal eyes "I love you Blaine".

I waited for a respond smiling and I never got one. Slowly my smile disappeared getting replaced by anger. He just stared into my eyes deeply like I never said anything. I wondered if he was going to say anything.

I got up from him he groans as I get up and I face away from him, at the edge of the bed. He lightly touches my shoulder "what's wrong?"

I turn to him to yell at him "you, your my problem. I'm so done with this Blaine". I walk into the the kitchen to give us some distance.

He runs in after me he reaches for my arm I yank my arm away from "What are you done with? ME?!. You yell at me because I can't say I love you but I never let myself love anyone. It doesn't mean that I don't care about you more than I ever thought I would".

"Caring about someone doesn't mean you want to be with me. What I am some kind of sex buddy to you?".

He spins me around me around when I'm facing him he reaches for my cheeks "no you mean a lot to me Arielle, more you could ever know, more you could imagine. You have to give me some time, I will get there".

"Time is something we don't have. How could you say I love you before and now" I paused for a second he thinks I'm just going off on him like he did nothing wrong. What if he never cared or loved me? What if he was trying to play me. The thought won't leave my mind.

"Before was different you know it and I know it."

"Why because you didn't care before?"

"Of course fucking I cared Arielle, I always cared about you. But when I said I loved you I was either drunk or I didn't realize I said it."

I take a breath in not allowing myself to cry in front of him. I know what's he's saying but all I hearing is: I don't love you. It's like a piece of me was ripped away from and now I'm bleeding out.