Craving him-The Secrets we keep

13-Monster

Elle
January 10,2021 Friday

I have never seen Blaine the way he was yesterday. He beat up his father with so much anger and force that even I question him.

I stayed in my room this morning. I don't think I could face Blaine after that, I mean I love Blaine and I know he would never hit me. But he has anger and issues he needs to work on.

He comes in my room and sits near me. "I know your scared of me right now Arielle but I would ever hurt you, I want you to know that".

"I'm not afraid of you, I know you would never hurt me Blaine. I can't keep putting my feelings aside because I love you. It's like I'm battling to stay alive" I touch his hand, he put on the bed and came closer to him.

"I know but I can't be apart from you your the only thing that makes me want to do better for you. So please don't break up with me" he begs.

"I think we need some space from each other. We're toxic together, we bring out each other craziness and we're both dealing with so much"

He stares at me like he couldn't believe what I just said and he storms out. I laid back in my bed thinking about everything that got us here. Starting with the party and ending with today. Oliver, Francis Riley, my brother, even Violet. Each of them tried to warn me against falling in love with Blaine and I didn't listen.

I don't know if it was because I was curious what I would be like for Blaine to be mine or just plain stupidity. The funny part is I don't regret not a second I spent with Blaine, every day was an adventure not a day was boring.

I don't know what it would be like if Blaine hadn't come into my life. I would possibly still be with Oliver and Riley wouldn't hate me or my brother.

I pick up my phone and dial Oliver. I don't know why it was random and I wasn't sure if he would answer. The phone ring 3 times before I hear his voice.

O: Arielle?
A: yeah it's me I'm sorry for calling you
O: No, no it's okay what's wrong?
A: Why would you say something was wrong?

O: "Because your calling me knowing that if Blaine heard you he would be on his way to beat me up" he gives a little chuckle.

A: I laughed "yeah, that's true"
O: "whatever is going on right now especially between you to. You guys will work it out, you guys just seem to fit well together. I don't think he could live without you being by his side. He's your soulmate and just because he can't express his feelings or talk about things that are happening to him doesn't mean he doesn't love you"

How did he know? Was he some kind of physic?. I blink my eyes closed so I don't start crying I know he's right, he always is. But Blaine is so complicated he always has been. Being together made me realize I didn't know Blaine the way I thought I knew him. He has a lot of demons and some how I took his demons and made them mines.

So I drown in his demons and mine. I never fully healed from my moms death, not like I ever could. I pushed it so far down in my body I thought it was gone. The fact that I never questioned my moms death, I knew she was healthy before she had cancer but I never questioned it maybe I should have.

When she had to get her uterus removed she died on the table and that's how she died. The doctors told us that the cancer spread too quickly and that's what killed her. I thought it was an accident now I'm thinking it was murder and I wouldn't put it over Elijah to do it.