Craving him-The Secrets we keep

14

January 11,2021

Shit. Arielle saw me and Madeline in my room. I was talking to her about how I was feeling because I promised I would be better for her and Madeline is the only person I trust not more than Arielle but enough. It seems like no matter what something happens that breaks us up.

I walk to Arielle's room and knock on the door I say "what you thought you saw wasn't what you thought!" I yell through the door.

I start banging on the door again and screaming her name. I don't stop until she opens the door. She look like she's been crying her eyes swollen and black mascara covers her face.

"What?.What?, what do you have to say to me right now?!" She screams. I can tell she's angry but it's not what she thinks.

"It's not what you think Arielle, I was talking to her about my you know that thing that tells you how you feel?"

"You mean feelings?"she asked basically laughed it.

"Yes that. I'm trying to be better for you. That kiss was uncalled for but I swear to you I didn't do anything to insinuate that I wanted to kiss her".

She looks like she's trying to decide if she wants to believe me or not. We stand in the hallway staring at each other.

"I want to believe you but-" she starts.

"Of course you don't believe because you don't trust me" I yell at her.

"Trust you?, Look we're that gotten me everyone is against us being together. I have literally gotten to the lowest point I could ever go"

"And that's my fault?, why can't you take some of the blame it's always me, me and me. You forget that having sex and being a couple is a two person decision. It takes two to tango"

She doesn't respond I can't believe this. I ran out the house she calls for me and follows me out the house. Before she could reach out to grab me I got into the car and drove away.

January 6, 2020, Monday morning

Today was my first day back at school I was worried about Blaine so I didn't sleep, he didn't come back home last so I assumed he stayed with Anthony or at a hotel.

I made my way to Riley's car she greeted me with a smile but I wasn't in a smile mood. " he didn't call?"

I shake my head if I say something I'm going to burst into tears and I can't take that right now. She doesn't ask anything else and I'm grateful she turns the music up and we dance a little bit in the car.

We got to school I always feel like everyone is watching me and judging me ever since Blaine and I started to get together. It's like everyone waiting for our relationship to fail so they can start treating me like trash.

I walk into the building with Riley, she mean glares at everyone gives me a nasty look. I love how she's being over protective but I don't need it right now.

I called Anthony just to check, it ringed 3 times before he picked it up.

Anthony: What's wrong Arielle?
Arielle: is Blaine with you he kind of disappeared?
Anthony: No, are you at school?
Arielle: Yes, I'm worried about him.

Another comes in from Elijah how did he even get my number. I declined it I didn't want any more threatens from him.

Riley walked up to me "no word from Blaine?"

"Yeah I haven't heard from him since Sunday I'm worried"

She hugged me "you know how Blaine is he's best left alone when it's angry. If he's with you he'll say something he can't take back"

I know she's right and it calms me a little. I leave my phone on just in case Blaine called. Maybe calling Oliver wasn't the best idea I came up with.

I know that kiss wasn't anything and he wouldn't do anything to hurt me. The whole thing took me by surprise and it was like my whole breath was taken away.

Now I might lose him forever just because I couldn't accept that he was trying and I couldn't trust him. Why do I always mess things up for myself?.

Riley takes my hand and leads me into class I sit by Oliver and Riley. Riley is battling her eyes at Oliver and Oliver is blushing I think something going on. When they see me looking at them they look away.

I say to Oliver " I'm so sorry about Saturday" I start to apologize to him. He didn't deserve what happened to him Blaine shouldn't punched him.

He gives me a smile "it isn't your fault I knew going to Blaine was going to be upset and I still went".

"You were just worried about me thank you for checking up on me".

The teacher starts the class and my mom is ringing off the hook. I look at my mom and it's Elijah again. I walk out of the classroom to answer.

A: "What do you want-"

E:"Arielle Blaine's in the hospital"

My heart drops Blaine is in the hospital because of me because of our fight.

I ran back into classroom and grabbed Riley and Oliver. They both look at me worried I hadn't noticed when the tears fell from my eyes.

I start hyperventilating and I drop to the floor I can't believe this. I could lose Blaine forever because we fought and he ran out angry. Everyone staring at me and I feel like I'm suffocating not because everyone staring at me but because of the possibility that..

No I can't allow myself to think that way if I do I don't think I could make my way back to sanity.

Riley asks me "what happened Arielle tell me now?!" She practically yelled it at me.

I say through my sobs "Blaine is in the hospital".