3 a.m. perfect time for a melt down, right?
I scribbled furiously on paper, the pen wasn't working properly and I felt like I was going to explode. Frustration was built up inside me, what was I going to do? Less than a month ago my life was fine, I had everything planned and now everything would have to change. My OCD was kicking in, I grabbed all the paper balls from my floor and threw them in my tiny trash can which was almost full. From the look of everything I knew I wouldn't be able to start College next year if I kept this little bean, even if I wanted to give it up or abort it I wouldn't be strong enough to. You would basically be giving money to someone to kill your child, and to even think about adoption was a nightmare. I wouldn't be so selfish as to make him or her grow up to be a orphan Annie, never. But how was I suppose to raise it? How would I get a job, or pay for food, and bills? I was sitting with my back against the end of the bed now. I wasn't really aware of my surroundings, I guess because even though my eyes were open all I saw was darkness. I didn't even realize I was crying until I felt a soft hand pat my back and a thumb wipe my cheek. I looked up I was completely delirious from my lack of sleep, and started a tiny giggle as I looked from the hand to it's owner. Lindi.
"What wrong?" she asked, my vision was blurring.
"Everything." I said blankly, not even meeting her gaze. She sat on my right and neither of us talked for a while. I could've sworn I'd fallen asleep for a quick couple minutes, and then she began.
"It's going to be okay," a pause "I know you don't want to here it but, it will." I saw her turn her head to me through my peripheral vision, but I didn't return her gaze, just continued to stare straight ahead. I didn't feel like talking. While getting no sleep my brain through images at me, different possible scenarios of my life. Never finishing school, and having a crappy job, living with mom and dad still. Giving the baby up and returning to my normal life, but left with the guilt of my selfishness. Aborting it and not being able to live with myself, keeping it a secret and breaking down everytime I see a glimpse of Mark or someone who looks like him, knowing I'd never be able to be brave enough to tell him. Keeping the baby but having to have constant help from mom and dad, and living with guilt because I was basically using up all their money.
None of my scenarios included Mark in my life, not really. He had a whole separate life in them, and he never knew.
Lindi side hugged me and let out an 'oof!' I finally turned to her. She was looking down and holding her breath. "What?" I asked turning my body to her and scooting back. She lifted her tank top a bit and grabbed my hand. I didn't know what she was doing at first, but then I felt this weird kick on my hand from her stomach. She smiled, I was just kind of amazed and didn't know what to say.
"Sometimes when I'm asleep he starts kicking Parker in the back." I let out a small laugh. "See, you have all this to look forward to, even if you have to change your plans for school." she nugged my shoulder. I took a deep breath."And even better, names." I smiled back.
"Picking a name sounds tiring." I told her.
"It is, but it's fun. Parker and I can never decide on anything together, but we both like the name Ethan." she paused and then. "Parker said you have pictures, can I see them?" I nod. I stand and grab the pictures from my bedside table, then sit down again next to her. I point to the center of the black and white picture.
"Seven weeks apparently."
"Do you want to keep it?" her tone was serious. Did I? Yes, and no. But my answer was decided, no aborting, and no adoption.
"Yes." I said quietly.
"Good, you shouldn't let anyone tell you otherwise." she stared at the pictures. "And Mark?" It would be amazing to tell him, but my expectations are always set too high. And if he is happy in college, I will be happy for him.
"No,"I started "I mean, I don't know. I have no idea what I want to do about that." she sighed.
"But he didn't do anything wrong." I knew he hadn't but if I told him, his parents would find out and he'd have it a lot harder than me, his family have never liked me, but of course they think Samantha is the best person in the world.
"I don't want to make it harder for him, he's got so much he wants to do."
"Just don't make up your mind now okay?" I shrugged.
YOU ARE READING
Skinny Love
Teen Fiction'A teenage girl comes face to face with her past and must deal with its consequences.' Ella got pregnant at seventeen, by her best friend but he doesn't know about it. Instead of telling him she changed schools and took on a new life where no one kn...
