Again I wake at four in the morning and look over at the crib next to the bed, I stay entirely still. No movement. Maybe she'll just go back to sleep, I thought. But no. I get up, careful not to stretch too much in my abdomen and pick up the tiny banshee from her crib. I bounce her in my arms as I leave to bedroom to get a bottle from the kitchen.
"You're so loud, you know that?" I tell her. I pull her bouncer next to the couch and lay her in it, clicking the straps together over her kicking feet. She cries as I select a bottle from the cabinet, wash it, add formula -because I just have the most picky baby ever- warm it up and test it on my wrist. Warm and just right. From the light over the kitchen sink I could just barely see an outline of the lamp next to the couch, which I then turned on and sat on the ground next to the bouncer. I hold the small bottle up for her to drink, my head resting on my other hand. My eyes drift and I slip into the blackness of sleep, only to wake soon after to an alarm clock ringing.
Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep...
He'll turn it off in a minute I thought.
Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep...
Any second now...
Beep, beep, beep...
Damn. I get off of the floor where I had fallen asleep and sleepily walk into the bedroom, but before I enter the room the alarm stops and the lamp is on and there's a sleepy Nat on the side of the bed.
"Fall asleep in the living room again?"
"Yep." I say groggily. I walk into the bathroom in daze and stare into the mirror. I was a mess, I hadn't washed my hair in a week, my clothes had spit up and milk on it.
"Can I get in there?" Nat asks, his belt rattles on his jeans as he presumably picks them up from the floor.
"Yep." I say as he walks in I slide myself up on the counter.
"You could've woken me up, you know. I really don't mind it, I like watching her.
"Save it, I let you sleep be happy. " I was looking through the bathroom drawers looking for a brush as he peed. " I didn't realize you had plans for today, especially for starting the day at six in the morning." I found it and combed my hair out and pulled it into a ponytail.
"Me either, but my dad wanted me to help clean out the garage and I figured I'd help. He said if I wanted anything we could have it.
"That's nice." he found his toothbrush in the right-side drawer and started to brushed his teeth.
"I thought I'd be nice to have more furniture for when we have people over."
"I agree." I turned toward him on the counter. He swooshed some water in his mouth, spit, and the turned the faucet off after wiping his face on a towel.
He leaned on the counter, right in front of me.
"What's wrong?" his hand slid over and his thumb stroked my hand.
"It's been a week and five days. " I turn to him. "That's whats wrong."
"You have me..." he says as I carefully get down from the counter and make my way past him and through the door. He follows close behind
"I know I have you, " I whisper. "but I don't understand why Mark would just ignore me like this, especially when he knew about her." I sigh as I grab a glass and water. "I feel like something's wrong."
"What do you mean?" Nat examines the contents of the fridge. I lean against the counter holding my glass.
"For one, even if Mark has changed" I pause a second "a lot, I still know him better than anyone. He always has his phone with him. No matter what and he always answers every call. For God's sake he will sit there and talk to telemarketers!" I start to bite my thumbnail. A smile spreads on his face and he starts to laugh. "And you think I'm joking." I tsk.
"You should be worrying about yourself and the baby and," he pulls my thumb away from my mouth. "and us."
"I know, I know. It's just hard." I turn around and pop two pieces of bread into the toaster. Then in a moment of realization I turn around and freeze, my eyes wide.
"What?" he looks around "What?"
"You,"I blink. "You're leaving."
"Yeah..."
"I've never been alone with her, I've had help every day and night with you or someone else. Oh my God, wow. " I take a sip of water.
"You'll be fine. You should get some more sleep while I'm gone." he grabs my waist lightly and pulls me close for a quick peck on the lips. "Love you." He grabbed his piece of toast buttered it and then was out the door. I didn't even touch my piece, I left it in the toaster and lay on the couch.
I turned on my side and stare at August, asleep and peaceful. My mom says she's all me, but I can't tell. Her nose is the same as Mark's -small and like a button, while I have a somewhat large nose- her eye's even seem to be the same shape as his and the only thing that even remotely makes her similar to me is her attitude. She's picky and stubborn and she likes music. Which is me summed up into three words. Sometime soon after this I fell back asleep.
YOU ARE READING
Skinny Love
Teen Fiction'A teenage girl comes face to face with her past and must deal with its consequences.' Ella got pregnant at seventeen, by her best friend but he doesn't know about it. Instead of telling him she changed schools and took on a new life where no one kn...
