Skinny Love

Chapter 26

All I could think as I sat in bed that afternoon was 'I am absolutely, positively, not ready." The pain had been moderate for months, I'd learnt to deal with it and call if any other signs showed and as I sit in bed really unable to do anything but squirm and bite my fist from these awful cramps (if you could call them that! They were more someone stabbing your sides and back) I'd had enough, but I was scared. I was only 32 weeks! I wasn't ready, and she wasn't ready to come out! But the pain was unbearable, and I couldn't sit and waist time any longer. I had even spotted some blood earlier in the bathroom. But I knew the more I waited the more she'd be in danger. She. What would be her name? I still hadn't even really chosen it. Claire? Abigail? I hunched over as I walked and grabbed my hospital bag by the door. I sat on the couch grabbing my side as I called my mom whom I knew was next door in the actual house. I had never had pain like this before and I knew it wasn't even labor, this in fact was the fibroids. My mom answered right away.

"Hello?" she hummed, she sounded like she was cleaning.

"Hey..."A pause as I suck in a breath.

"Is everything okay?"I heard her set something down.

"No... I need you to," huff "you need to take me to" I wince "the hospital."

Within minutes she was walking into the barn like a model, my mother! Her hair perfectly curled. She was so pretty... I let out a sound that I wasn't even sure what to call it. 'The pain just increased all night and day.' I explain in the car. she's on the phone now, calling dad, calling Nat, Parker, and Sam probably as I lay back and try not only to focus on something other than the pain but also trying to not throw up from being car sick, which happened a lot. She'd already called my doctor and she knew we were on our way there.

The more I sat there the more I realized I wasn't actually freaking out like I thought I would. I'd seen those reality tv shows where the woman is finally in the car ready to go and she's screaming and freaking out, but not me. What? What was wrong with me? Did I just not care? No, I cared. I cared a lot. I think I made myself freeze. I knew things were not going as planned and this was my way of coping I guess. My mother was actually freaking out more. She was yelling into the phone and all I wanted was for her to drive safely. Which she was mostly doing but it made me nervous anyway. I could hear Nat on the other end now. 'Here let me talk to her, hand her the phone.' he had to repeat it so my mother could comprehend it. I took the phone and held onto the seat belt. I didn't even realize I was crying until I tried to talk and I sounded muffled and snotty.

"Hey, hey calm down. It's okay." 'It's okay' he kept repeating and I kept repeating 'No it's not. No it's not' back.

"I'm in the car right now, I'll be there when you do. It's okay." I wanted him to stop feeding me false feelings. It wasn't okay, she isn't okay. It's too early, too soon. I also kept feeling pressure towards my lower back and I didn't know what was going on. You'd think everything was hectic but in reality it was really silent in the car. My moms fingers tapped anxiously on the wheel and my cries were actually silent. Soon the phone clicked and I sat with it still against my ear. I huffed again and she looked over.

"There's a lot of pressure now,"I say as I lean over a bit.

"Shit." she mumbles. "Just breathe."

"What?"another huff.

"This has been going on since last night right?" I nod "Then I think you might be having early contractions from it." I kept hearing her mumble 'this is not good' under her breath.

When we finally got to the hospital. It was a rush of nurses and doctors and I started hyperventilating so they took me straight up. Nathan was walking by the bed holding my hand until they pushed both him and mom away saying they needed to make sure the baby and I were okay. But that was all I remembered, because soon I fainted.

I woke with a nasal cannula, a heart monitor for me and something strapped around my stomach, an IV, and a headache. A nurse was talking to my mom and Nat when I opened my eyes. The nurse was tall and skinny and she had this face that said she knew what she was doing. She turned to me as soon as Nat saw me awake. I looked at the nurse as she started talking to me, but I couldn't comprehend what she was saying. All words had lost meaning. I think I tipped my head a bit in confusion, so she started over again. This time I paid attention.

"How do you feel?" I look down and try to sit up. She gently pushes me back down. "No, lay down. Stay relaxed." I could still feel pressure and then a cramp hit and I sucked in a bit.

"How do you feel?" she repeats.

"What do you mean?" I snap. "I'm still in pain and I'm still thirty-two weeks along, how do you think I feel?" I look around and hold my face in my hands. I feel tears drip down and I wipe them with my fingers. My words are muffled and the cannula was uncomfortable. Suddenly I remember waking up before and them giving me something to help stop the contractions. "I'm sorry." I say.

"Well here's the thing. The medicine we gave you didn't really help with the contractions," she points to the monitor on my stomach. "and you passed out again because of the lack of oxygen after we removed the mask, when you were doing well." she sighed and I realized she was actually my doctor not nurse, at the glance of her name tag. "We would like to keep you over night and see if anything else happens and see if we can control the early labor first, before we do anything else."

"Okay, " I sigh "you should know I feel lightheaded right now." A small wheeled tray was pushed toward me from Nat.

"You should eat, and I'll check back soon."

I listened and ate slowly as I was caught up with everything. Mom told everyone else to go home for a while and then I was told I needed to talk to Sam and was handed my moms cell. Sam was already on the phone.

"Hello?" I said groggily turning to lay on my side, legs scrunched up.

"Hey, how are you?"

"Okay, I guess."

"Nat told me you would probably want Mark to be there," she paused and my closed eyes opened and scrunched. 'if he even wants to acknowledge me' I mumble. "I tried Ella, I did. I called him over ten times and it doesn't even ring. I went by his house and no ones there. I don't know what to do anymore, I don't know where he's staying and his mom hates me and won't answer and I don't have his dad's number-"

"It's okay,"I interrupt. "at least you tried." My tired eyes barely stay open.

"You sound tired." she changes the subject.

"I am." I say blankly.

"I let you go then." she pauses "I'll check back later."

"K." I say, not even bothering with the whole word.

I hand the phone back to my mother and push back my tray. She excuses herself and walks out into the hall. I make an effort to sit up and fix my blanket.

"What'd she say?" Nat asks cautiously.

"He's not coming, she can't even get in touch with him." I take a breath "I, I just want to throw something." I clench my fists.

"Hey," Nat gently sets his hand on my arm. "you need to stay calm."I take a deep breath in, then out.

"How? How can he not even care?" I pick up the cup on the tray and start chewing ice. "Can I get some more ice?" I ask shaking the foam cup. Nat grins.

"I'll get you some." As he walks out my mom comes in and sits by my feet. I shift a little as a contraction hits, and suck in from the pain. They hit every several minutes along with cramps. She starts absentmindedly rubbing my feet.

"Mom?" she looks up.

"Hmm?"

"I'm such a stupid teenager, I'm sorry." she stops rubbing my feet.

"It's okay, you're my stupid teenager." she smiles and I feel my lips move up too. "And anyways your not!" she laughs. "You're gonna be fine, and she is going to be fine."