Skinny Love

Chapter 4

Within minutes there was a knock on my door, I quickly scrambled to hide the pictures of the little bean shaped baby inside me. Mark opened the door and walked in. His hair was flat, he wasn't wearing his glasses and his clothes were wrinkled. 

"Hey." 

"Hey." I managed. Nurse buns left us alone, which wasn't a good idea because I mean look what happened last time we were alone. I pat the bed for him to sit, he does. I couldn't even think about what I was about to do. It's for his own good. I reminded myself. "Mark," I couldn't look into his eyes, instead I focused on the freckles by his ear

"Ella." we spoke at the same time. I gestured for him to go first. "I was so worried, I didn't even know what to think and you were so sick this past week and I couldn't do anything and I hate that I can't." I hold up my hand.

"Look, Mark." His expression changed from sad to worried. I wasn't sure if the next words would follow and spill from my mouth, but they did. "I don't want to be together anymore." my voice croaked. I was five seconds away from bawling.

"So, what? You want to just be friends?" he asked.

"I don't want to be anything, with you."  I looked away. I felt a stinging sensation in my arm and I didn't know why. Then I realized I had pulled on my arm to hard and moved the needle a bit. Tears threatened to spill. "I just don't want to be with anyone, right now." Lie.

"You had me worried sick, and then you pass out at dinner, and now you want to break up? What has gotten into you?" your child. I wanted to say but held back.

"It wouldn't have worked out anyway." he held my face in his hands and turned me to face him. Don't do this.

"You don't really believe that do you?"  No.

"Yes." I croaked. He dropped his arm, stood and left. I could have been less harsh, we could have worked things out maybe? No, he would live his normal life and graduate, then go to college and be sucessful, I won't weigh him down.

Nurse buns walked in soon after with a sad smile. I stared at the ceiling trying to stop the tears but the lights made them water more. 

"You need to talk?"

"I'd be wasting your time, don't you have rounds you're suppose to do?" I turned to look at her. She pulled the blue chair closer to me and sat.

"Not at the moment,  no. Besides people find it easier to tell people they don't know their problems." 

I paused and thought for a moment. "Why, everytime I try to do the right thing I screw up? I just want to do this by myself and not screw up anyone else's life." 

"Was that your boyfriend?"

"Not anymore." she opened her mouth to speak. "No he doesn't know. He has his whole life set up, um, what's your name?"

"May, call me May." 

"He has his whole life set up, May, and he is going to go places and do things with his life. I'm not going to take that from him." The room got quiet, the static of the TV was the loudest noise in the room. I pulled the pictures from behind the pillow, May looked over at them. 

"You realize this," she pointed to the bean " is not all your fault. You both created that, you shouldn't put the weight of the world only on your shoulders.You don't deserve that, and you don't need to be stressing out either."  I looked at her, she was right, but I couldn't change things now. It was done. I took my first glance at the tray she had brought in, they told me it would be light foods until I was off the IV. On the tray was a fruit cup, a cardboard holder of apple juice and a slice of toast. Better than nothing. 

"Well we had all been a little group until his sister went to college and it was just us, and we had known each other since we were like five. Mark has always been the same though" I shrugged "always geeky and cute. He doesn't know but I used to steal his spider man comics and read them on the bus. " May laughed.

"Seems like you two were inseparable." she smiled.

"Yeah, and then there was this one day in December we got bored and we were just walking up and down the creek near my house, and he kept insisting on giving me a present, so I finally let him and he gave me this." I lifted the hour glass necklace from under my shirt. She gasped."Then I just kissed him, and that started all of this." I held up my arms meaning everything that just happened. I liked being able to talk to May, she was like a big sister except better because she had to bring me stuff. I laughed at that thought.  "Tell me though." I was serious "Am I a bad person?I- I don't mean to be, and I defiantly don't deserve such an amazing family. They should be mad, but they are all obsessed with feeling sorry for me." 

"I don't think you're a bad person, Ella. You just don't know what to do next, like every other person in the world." 

I told May that I was feeling tired and she responded that it was perfectly normal to be tired a lot when pregnant, to which I responded with 'It might also have to do with the fact I'm still a teenager.' We both laughed and she left me alone where once again I fell into my thoughts and didn't remember falling asleep.