Skinny Love

Chapter 10

About two weeks later Nat and Joan asked me to go to the mall with them, I did.

It was a Friday and instead of going home I got a ride with Joan and Nat, and we went straight for the mall. Joan didn't seem like the kind of girl who liked to hang out at the mall, but then again there wasn't much else to do around here. Before we did any shopping we ate Chick-fil-a at the food court, one thing that I'd repeatedly craved for the last week. I didn't need the nausea pills too much anymore, it was mainly smells that made me nauseous now. Like coffee for instance I can't stand the smell of it and I used to love coffee, but now if anyone in the house makes it while I'm asleep in the morning it wakes me up within minutes and I have to rush to the bathroom. It really depended on the coffee  though, mostly the smell I was used to was the worst, and strongest, the home brewed really.

After we all ate, we wondered around the mall not looking for any particular store. Soon Joan wondered off into Hot Topic and Nat pulled me into some clothing store I wasn't familiar with. The store must've been new because it was crowded with smelly perfumed girls and saggy pants guys. Nat and I looked around separately at first. I was looking around at comfy sweat pants and tank tops that looked like a good buy when I realized I should be saving up, which I had been doing. I even gave myself a limit by only bringing thirty dollars. Luckily the store was having a big sale because the prices were ridiculously high. I selected a pair of sweat pants that were fifty percent off and started for the register when someone called my name. I turned around to see Nat waving me down, so I turned and started toward him when in the corner of my eye I saw a baby clothing store across thewalkway and two stores down. Nat continuosly waved me down so I looked away and walked up to him. I barely paid attention as he asked which shirt went better with his eyes, as if I even knew! So when he finally disapeared into the changing rooms I dashed for the register. 

I tapped my feet as I waited behind a sixteen year old buying thongs and lacy bras. She's wasting her money, I thought to myself,  those will never be as good as Victoria Secret. As soon as it was my turn I set the pants down and dug for cash in my wallet. The pants ended up costing thirteen bucks with the sale. I quickly made my way out of the store and across to the infant clothing store.  As I walked in I noticed how bright and colorful it was. I turned to look around when I heard;

"Do you need any help finding anything?" I turn to see a short woman with big curly hair, she looked a little younger than my mom. Did I need help? I wondered.

"Yes," I suddenly said, walking into the store more. "Um," I started.

"Do you know what you're looking for?"

"No not really." I told her. She looked me over.

"Is it for a friend? Do you know size wize what you need?" 

"No, it's for my sister in law. "I said nervously "For my nephew, and I guess the smallest size?" I looked around nervously, again. What if someone saw me? This was a stupid idea, but I also kind of wanted to look. 

"Newborn?" she asks still smiling wide using that perky voice of hers. She gestured for me to walk with her to the left. I realized as I walked behind her I was almost a foot taller. "Have you found out the gender? We have Pink, Blue, Yellow onesies. . ." she offers showing me different onesies? I tell her I've got it from there and she walks away to help someone else. 

Looking at the pre-made outfits with pink tutus and blue sailor themed jumpers I realized I couldn't be sure of which color to get or even if I was going to buy anything. Some outfits were hung above me or on racks and some folded to my right. I picked up a little blue jumper, it was soft and plain. For some reason I just felt like I was going to have a boy. A little Mark, and a little playmate for baby Ethan, that is if they don't change his name again. Then I saw something out of the corner of my eye, a pale pink blanket with brown trimming. It was folded on a shelf right near me. I reached out and pulled it into my hands, it was the softest thing I'd ever felt and it didn't even register in my brain that it was pink until I'd already bought it and lifted the bag into my hands.
As I walked toward the stores exit I stuffed the blanket under the sweat pants I'd bought and balled the bag into my fist. I held it tight as I left the store and turned right towards a trash can. 

I quickly threw the balled plastic away, and reached for my phone. But my hand froze hearing a familar voice behind me.

"I was thinking movie night tonight, any movies you want to see?" I turned around.

"Anything if it's with you." This blonde girl was leaning against Mark. I could tell she saw me staring but Mark was too busy looking down at her to notice. Looking down her shirt to be exact. I knew who she was of course, the girl who had always pranced around school in heels at my private school, Cherri Mathers. How the hell was he hanging around with Cherri Mathers? He caught my gaze as Nat walked up behind me.

"Hey where'd you go?" I turn to him, then glance back at the now staring Mark. I didn't know what got in me but I got on my tip toes and kissed Nat. Full on the lips, and for some reason he kissed back. I smiled real big. 

"Let's go." I quickly turned both of us around and we started to walk the way we came, back towards Hot Topic to Joan. 

"Ex?" Nat asked as soon as we were out of ear range of Mark.  "You're a pretty good kisser, too bad I like guys." he nugged me. 

"Yeah, I'm sorry." I close my eyes. "You didn't have to kiss me back."

"All for show." he smiled. As we got closer we saw Joan, standing looking around. Nat continued toward her but a hand pulled be back and around. Mark.

"Ellie," he sounded sorry, what was I to care we weren't even dating, anymore that is.

"Don't you had every right to find someone else," did he? did he really? I was pregnant with his baby. I took a breath remembering he didn't know. "and I did too. I have to go now."

I turned and walked away even as I heard him beg "Ellie." again. I walked straight passed Nat and Joan who followed me as I didn't stop until I reached the parking lot. By then I couldn't hold the tears back much longer and ran to the car. It wasn't that I cared whether Mark dated other people, it was that seeing he brought bck our break up and made it seem real. I missed seeing him everyday, I missed holding him and kissing him. But why should I play God and set his life for him by telling him?