Skinny Love

Chapter 36

I told Nat on the drive home of how I have assumed Mark's mother had told him, and how I thought he'd been ignoring me but really he was just busy with college and that I was mad at myself for acting the way I did. I couldn't even call him to apologize because I didn't have his number! But it was now Christmas Eve and the party had begun hours before. We ate and talked everyone goggled at the babies and the smaller cousins ran around and colored at the kids table while the adults talked. I laughed at the fact that I was an adult now, it seemed like a crazy ridiculous thought. I heard the doorbell ring and my brows furrowed everyone's here. I thought to myself. 

"I'll get it!" I say handing August off to Nat. I pull my jacket tighter as I cross into the living room which is only lit by the tree. When I open the door cold air blows in. I'm surprised to see it's Mark. I step outside closing the door behind me.

"Hey." I say crossing my arms from the cold. His hands are behind his back. 

"Hey." he mimics and he looks away for a moment. "After the initial shock of everything, I thought about it and I can't help but be furious at you for not telling me but also that I'd drop everything and forgive you because we have a daughter,"he pauses and shakes his head "I have a daughter."he says with surprise in his voice. "And it sounds absolutely crazy but it's the truth and I need you to know that I care, about you and her."he shakes his head and corrects himself. "I need you to know that I care about you and August." His eyes are watering and red. I realize he's been crying. "And I can't get over the fact that I was so neglectful and I didn't even care to see the signs and I was doing stupid things with Cherrie that I'll always want to forget. But that's not worse than the fact that I wasn't there when you needed me the most." He takes his hand from behind his back and handed me and box. It wasn't big but it wasn't too small. Maybe a clothes box. "It's for August." he shakes his head and looks away for a moment. He lets out a, ha! "August huh? What's her whole name?"

"Augustine Finnley Pierce." I look down at the box in my hand  and passed it to my feet.  I take a step forward. "Can I?" I ask holding out my hands, he nods and I hug him. He smelt the same like cinnamon and something else, something homely. He pulled away and looked at his hands. 

"You gave her my middle name." I nod. "I'll have to learn everything  about her."He was crying now, happy crying I could tell. 

"Yeah."I bit my lip. 

"Can I see her?" our eyes lock and I can see our whole friendship in them. I can remember when he broke his arm and I signed his cast with big block letters, and then that time in middle school when everyone thought we were a couple because we always sat together at lunch, and then in high school when we started hanging out again. 

"I'm sorry but it'll have to be quick, everyone's here and it's crowded and we'll get together soon and you can see her as long as you'd like then."I hoped he could hear the apology in my voice. 

"I just want to see her, even if it's quick I can't take another day of not knowing what she looks like." I nod. 

"Stay right here." I tell him and I hand him the box back. I walk back inside and everyone's still at the table, too busy talking to notice my return. I whisper to Nat that I'll tell him later and I wrap August in her blanket and pull her hat on her head. Mom's right, she has gotten big. I hold her tighter against my chest as I get close to the door. I feel like, by showing him that she's real and exists, that I'm letting him see a half of me he hasn't yet seen.  I make sure her ears are covered before I take her outside, so she doesn't get an ear ache. Mark turns around as I open the door and he takes a step back. I shift her so he can see her face. Her eyes are wide and awake. 

"The star of the evening." I say. He leans down and she takes his pinky.

"It's been too long, little one."he swallows.