On Tuesday nights Nat got off extra early and I had planned a surprise. I Read from my mothers old cook book and and made a lasagna and cheese bread. By the time he walked in the pasta had ten minutes left and I had just put the bread in the oven.
"Hey," he kissed my cheek as I closed the refrigerator door. He looked down. "Where'd your pants go?" Lately I resorted to sleeping in just a long shirt and under wear so I hadn't put anything but a bra on with no wires in it since this morning.
"See I have this growth thing and it kind of gets in the way."
"Is that your way of saying you hate pants?"
"Yes." I pat his face before letting go. He set his jacket on a bar stool and emptied his pockets. "I made dinner it'll be ready in ten." I say as he disappears to our room, he poked his head out the door frame.
"What is it? It smells amazing."
"Lasagna." I smile.
"I'm gonna take a quick shower." he disappears again.
"I'd come too, but I don't want this bread to burn!" I yell to him.
"Ha!" I hear him laugh as the water turns on. I open the fridge back up and grab the tea jug. I pour some in a glass and drink it fast. I think I've gone through two jugs of it in a week, which is probably bad, but I loved tea right now. When I closed the door I looked at the magnetic calendar on the front of it. I'm twenty nine weeks. I sigh, it's so tiring. The fibroid has grown a lot over the past months.
Soon the timer beeps and I take out the two large dishes with a huff.
"It's ready!" I yell and I hear a muffled 'okay'. I scoop the lasagna onto plates along with the bread I search the cabinets for parmesan cheese and set it on the counter with two glasses of water.
We take a seat at our makeshift dining table also known as the coffee table in the living room and eat. Nat tells me about his day and I tell him about how much I've been cleaning lately. I had started buying more clothes and diapers and bottles were stacked up and cleaned in the kitchen cabinet a hospital bag was ready and the baby room was decent.
Later that night I lay on my side, on my back, my other side, I couldn't get comfortable.
"Hey," Nat says in a groggy voice. "What's wrong." He sits up a little, his chin rests on his hand. I turn to him.
"I can't sleep." I say. My pillows too soft the blankets too warm the summer weather is killing me. I feel sweat on my forehead and I feel gross. The clock says two in the morning. I pull myself up and sit at the end of the bed, I rip off my socks and pull up my hair.
"What're you doing?" he asks.
"I'm fine go back to sleep." I say as I search for furniture and the wall with my hands in the dark room. I find the bathroom start some cold bath water. I add just a little hot to make it warm enough to sit in. I remove my sticky sweaty clothes and set a towel aside. I sink into the tub as it fills up. Within seconds Nat walks in and sits next to the tub.
"If you're gonna be up, I might as well be up too." he says.
"You don't have to." I say fidgeting.
"What's wrong?" he noticed me wince.
"Nothing, it's nothing."
"It wasn't just nothing last time." he holds my hand on the side of the tub. "You don't think that I worry about you, but I do. The difference between you and me is that you think I don't want to be here but in reality I do."
"I don't think that." I say.
"Yes you do." he says quietly.
"I just don't think you are living in reality, Nathan." I never used his whole name. I sigh. "I'm sorry, look it's the whole middle of the night thing. It makes me think more and I don't think you see the half of what I go through and I don't with my body personally. I'm talking about how when I go out, everyone stares at me always silently judging me and whispering, without even knowing me, and it makes me feel bad. So I'm just watching out for you."
"You don't think I could handle a few judgmental people?"he asks.
"That's not what I said, I don't want you to be embarrassed by me that's all."
"I'd never be-"
"But you don't get it and you never will. Girls don't think that way, it's not so simple, we over-think everything."
"Well, don't." he leans over and kisses my forehead. He's seen me naked before, and I him, but it's nothing like Mark and I had. I can't give him much, I can't even do much but kiss and hold him, it's not safe, because of the fibroid. It's grown and I worry about it a lot.
YOU ARE READING
Skinny Love
Novela Juvenil'A teenage girl comes face to face with her past and must deal with its consequences.' Ella got pregnant at seventeen, by her best friend but he doesn't know about it. Instead of telling him she changed schools and took on a new life where no one kn...
