The Halls of Westwood [BxB]

Chapter 22

Aiden lay out across Tai's bed feeling the familiar dread and self-loathing wash over him. He hurt mentally and physically... His entire body ached despite him not doing much more than he usually did. He felt exhausted despite spending a good amount of time in bed or laying with Beau. He was drained... He hurt, badly. He just wanted it to stop.

He felt useless around Beau... He hated that. Beau had been good to him since they met. They had gotten along well and Aiden knew he liked Beau from the beginning - of course, then he thought they would just hook up or maybe he'd go on a few dates. He didn't think he'd care for him as much as he did and he certainly didn't think that things would grow so complicated.

On one hand, there was Beau. Beau who had stuck by him, who did his best to comfort Aiden when he felt lost, who Aiden really liked and would give anything to be with. But Beau was complicated and his mixed signals toward Aiden were making him exhausted. They made him feel like he was only good enough when Beau needed him. They reminded him of being with Matt who only ever liked Aiden as a distraction from a bad breakup.

On the other hand, there was Tai. Tai who was exactly Aiden's type, who did his best to put Aiden's needs on the same level as his own, who was kind and exactly what Aiden needed. Tai was good to him in a way Aiden rarely got to experience. He had a few moments where he felt balance... Where he didn't feel like he was giving up everything for the smallest ounce of affection from a person. And Tai had given him hours of those moments. But he didn't like Tai the way he liked Beau... He wanted to. He really did... But it just wasn't the same.

Aiden had had one of those moments with Beau. A few, actually. They had been back at Beau's place over Christmas. Beau got up at the crack of dawn and was always grumpy and pouting when he had to do his chores. And Aiden would always go down with him to keep him company since his help wasn't needed (apparently Aiden wasn't very good at farmwork). Beau would take care of him there... He would bring out sweet tea and he'd just let Aiden lay on his lap and talk for hours. He'd listen to everything he had to say, occasionally offering advice or commenting. Those moments were good.

Of course, Beau also had his bad moments. The moments where he liked to pretend he had never caught feelings for Aiden, to begin with. The moments where Beau would shove Aiden further away from him by physically or emotionally distancing himself. Aiden knew Beau was struggling with Lukas... And he hated that he never knew what to do or say to help him. He hated that Beau would rather lock himself away...

He hadn't been there during Beau's first breakdown after Lukas passed. He hadn't seen how lost the boy was. He never heard his screams. He couldn't even begin to comprehend the relationship Lukas and Beau had. But he knew Beau was very capable of being self-destructive. He saw the scars on Beau's arms. He heard the way Beau's voice would break every time he slept in the same bed as Aiden. He'd always ask the same thing or some version of it; Will you be there when I wake up?

And every time, Aiden had to promise he would just to get him to consider falling asleep. Beau was broken... Everyone at Westwood was. But he was just beginning to accept it.

"You're stressed" Tai blindly commented as he ran his fingers through Aiden's hair. Aiden winced slightly at the light tug he gave and instantly felt his heart drop. He wasn't getting better either. "Are you alright?" Tai asked, pausing slightly as he noticed the boy's split-second of discontent.

"Just a knot" Aiden mumbled. Tai nodded and placed a chaste kiss on the boy's forehead.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Tai asked, staring down at the Indigenous boy laying in his lap. Aiden hesitated. He came to Tai when he wanted to feel content or valued. When he wanted to feel like what he said or did actually meant something. Talking about his issues would only drag them there... Besides, Tai didn't want to hear his sob story or about his issues with Beau.