too scared to be afraid

chapter ten: a break

"I hope there are days where you fall in love with being alive."

010: a break

xxxx

Yoongi made him feel like he was something.

He listened and cared for Hoseok like no one else had. His calming voice and careful actions made Hoseok blush. He was so special to Hoseok.

Yoongi didn't make Hoseok tell him anything. He already knew about his past and the way Hoseok's mind worked. The way Hoseok could see the world in such a pretty light while still feeling the effects of depression.

He had first hand experience how tired Hoseok felt. It was scary how much he knew. What was scarier was knowing Hoseok could disappear right before his eyes.

He looked like a skeleton with his lack of fat. His cheeks were sullen and he was so pale, paler than Yoongi was himself. His smile wasn't so easily faked either, Yoongi noticed that he couldn't put the same happy smile on his face that he always wore, he definitely was trying to do so though.

It was also scary knowing that Hoseok wouldn't have called anyone. Had Seokjin and Jimin not have showed up, he would've suffered in his apartment all alone. It was how he was.

During breakfast, he refused to eat. Yoongi didn't force him. Lunch was the same as well. Dinner had yet to come but Yoongi prayed Hoseok would eat something. He looked far too skinny and pale.

Meanwhile, Seokjin and Jimin were watching everything through cameras. They had to understand what made Yoongi so different.

They wanted to know how Hoseok liked to be comforted and cared for. Yoongi spoke calmly, always touching Hoseok gently in some way or another. Hoseok always leaned into the touch.

He never forced Hoseok to do anything either. Yoongi didn't force him to eat or force him to say anything. He focused on Hoseok's feelings before health.

"You need some fresh air," Yoongi said calmly, Hoseok's head was on his lap as they watched tv together. "This apartment feels constricting. I have a place in mind. Wanna go get ready for me?"

"Okay, hyung. Give me two minutes."

Was it that easy? All Yoongi had to do was ask nicely and Hoseok would do anything obediently. He really loved Yoongi. Seokjin wanted Hoseok to love him that much. So did Jimin but Jimin had something else in mind. He desired the intimacy between the two. You could tell they were close just by the way they were looking at each other. Hoseok had moved to lay in his lap without any hesitation and Yoongi hadn't reacted at all. They were comfortable around one another. It made Jimin want to barge in and split them up, but Seokjin insisted on watching and doing what's best for their baby's mental health.

Hoseok was dressed in an oversized baby blue sweatshirt, wearing sleeves like always, Jimin now knew why he did, and he wore light-washed jeans as well. He seemed to love light colors.

"Ready?" Yoongi asked. He didn't make a big deal out of anything, Seokjin noticed. Yoongi did however feel everything vividly. His heart fluttered when Hoseok laid on him, but he's good at keeping a straight face. Even with that skill of his, he was sure his face turned a bit red whenever Hoseok moved closer to him naturally. Hoseok didn't notice he did that, so Yoongi would stay quiet about it.

"Yeah, where do you wanna go?"

"Hm, well most of your food went bad so we should probably go grocery shopping."

Hoseok grimaced. His food went bad for a reason: he wasn't eating it. He noticed, or thought he did, that he was getting chubby. A dancer needed to be light on their feet, he didn't need extra weight.

"No-uh, I'm okay. I'll go on my own time. Can we go to the park instead?"

"You're not eating again, Hob-ah. I'm not blind. We're going to go grocery shopping so you can eat fresh food. I don't know what you're thinking but you're getting skinner and skinner. You can afford to eat."

He bowed his head, not replying. It was like that. He really wanted to avoid upsetting Yoongi, especially since his hyung was always so kind to him. He really understood him. On the night that Hoseok had found him, Yoongi had confessed everything to him, even though they were strangers. He told Hoseok about how eating was a pain and how living was an even bigger one. Yoongi trusted Hoseok with his past and his feelings, Hoseok was more than happy to listen. At the end of the night, he promised to help Yoongi to get better. In response, Yoongi vowed never to let anything happen to Hoseok. He never wanted Hoseok to go through something so terrible like he did, even if Hoseok did already.

"We should probably stop by somewhere to get dinner too. How's Chinese sound?"

"Not today. Please, just not today. You know I--" can't eat when I'm too emotionally exhausted to. It had been a rough day already. All of his energy was already spent thinking about how Seokjin and Jimin knew about his scars. They knew something he didn't want them to know.

"Okay, not today. Tomorrow. How about we pick up some and if you want to eat with me, you can."

"Yeah, okay hyung."

xxxx

edited.