too scared to be afraid

chapter thirty-three: sea

"Is this hope or despair?"

033: sea

xxxx

The next few days were lived in a sort of auto-pilot mode.

Like a current was pushing him along, sorting out all of his worries and big problems that he developed over the past month. Most of that was thanks to his friends too.

It turned out Seokjin and Namjoon had taken it upon themselves to contact his professors and explain to them his situation. They gave him pity, agreeing to lessen his workload and let him take his time before he came back and picked up on wherever they were in the class. So Hoseok wouldn't need to repeat his courses. When he found out in the morning, he felt bitter. It was incredibly disappointing, how ungrateful he was. Well, he was very grateful but he still hated the thought of others piting him.

He, of course, thanked his two friends profusely. He even went as far as to thank them in private later in the day and bought the two presents. They seemed very happy and shook off his guilt with kind smiles and talk about how he deserved what they had done for him.

Then came the problem of his apartment and rent. Taehyung and Jimin packed up his belongings and brought it to the mansion when he had left to go speak to his boss at Persona. Coming back to the mansion, he found everyone carrying boxes up into his room and he couldn't feel any happier when he saw the two smiles Jimin and Taehyung were sporting. He'd do anything to see such geniune smiles all the time. Additionally, Jimin had said he paid his rent and sold his apartment. Even if it was without his permission, he couldn't feel bad when Jimin had spent his money on him. There came another nasty wave of guilt that made his eyes water and nose crinkle. But it wasn't to be helped.

Unfortunately, he had lost his job though. He couldn't expect everything to turn out perfectly. But when he was in his room looking for another job, Yoongi had came in and shut his laptop, luckily he was able to move his fingers in time with his quick reflexes. Yoongi then went on about how he thought that Hoseok needed to spend his time recovering and getting better mentally before taking on more work and responsibilities. He said that Hoseok should focus on his classes first and wait until later to get another part time job.

He considered his hyungs words carefully and decided to listen to him. Yoongi was one of the people he respected the most, always so caring and intelligent.

That left one last mind problem.

He still had a tendency to associate the boys with murder, reminding himself that his friends weren't all that innocent and caring as much as he liked to believe. Hoseok wanted the thought off his mind so he decided to ask them about it at dinner which was now a requirement. Jin and Yoongi began to make everyone eat dinner together every night and breakfast every morning. Occasionally whoever was home at the time would eat lunch together but it was rare that everyone of the boys were home. So mainly lunches were with whoever and at any time in the day.

Everyone did their part to help out with the chores and such things. Before they moved in, Jin had maids who took care of the cleaning but after everyone came together and had a meeting about it, it was decided everyone of the boys would do their part to help clean so Jin fired the maids he had once had.

As of now, Hoseok was stuck in bed. It didn't happen too often now that he lived with six others, but he wasn't immune to his constant fatique and exhaustion even when he was now being forced to go to therapy twice a week.