too scared to be afraid

chapter forty-three: no such thing as peace

He stared at the others with a cheek resting on his palm, elbow on the table. Hoseok had finished eating early, since he didn't feel like eating too much and no one had tried to push him into eating more. 

Everyone began their separate conversations, as always, and Hoseok was content to listen. Oftentimes, he didn't make any move to join a conversation. He never knew what to say or what to add. 

"Hoseok-ah, I was thinking about how to help you and I think I finally know how to," Yoongi said to him quietly. It might've been just Hoseok, but all of the conversations at the table seemed to either die out or quieten just slightly so that Yoongi's voice was more pronounced than it usually was. 

"Hyung, you don't--"

"I made a plan already. It has a few steps to it but I figured you'd feel lost trying to fix everything, right?"

"Yeah," he murmured, admittedly.

"Then, now, you won't be so lost. I wrote down a few ideas so read them and think about it, alright?" Yoongi handed Hoseok a list that was folded up at least four times to form a small square the size of a quarter. He unfolded the paper carefully and gaped at how much thought his hyung had put into it. The paper was full with writing and there were little drawings too! Yoongi knew how much Hoseok liked drawings whenever he wrote notes. It made notes much more fun and cute. 

There were a lot of ideas, so many that the page was filled with pencil markings. 

idea #1:  deal with school and support first! we should find you a new therapist if you're up for it and we need to decide whether you go back to college and pick up on where you left off or what you'd like to do

Hoseok circled the idea and thought about it for a bit. He had to get over his last therapist. Obviously, there were better ones out there and if, by any chance, they could stop him from feeling like he was nothing more than an empty shell that required maintenance, he'd be glad to give them a chance. 

College was more difficult though. He didn't want to go back. Not with all of those old rumors and all of that shit he went through there. He knew that the professors weren't all kind and wouldn't humor him since he's been gone for so long. 

He wasn't sure if school was even the best thing for him anymore. It had hurt his mental health a lot and his passion for dance didn't necessarily require a degree. Maybe he could work something else out. 

idea #2: find a new routine! maybe you could plan your week or days or something fun. we could watch an anime together every night maybe? <3

Hoseok giggled, a pure sound that was music to everybody's ears. The others perked up and Yoongi pushed his chest out, preening and prideful for being the one to bring a smile onto Hoseok's face. 

To Hoseok, Yoongi was just too cute. He loved the way Yoongi wrote with his messy handwriting and cute notes. They always made him smile. He folded the paper back into the tiny square it was before he unfolded it, choosing to read the rest of the notes later by himself. 

"Thank you, hyung," Hoseok said with a smile, hugging Yoongi. 

Yoongi was glad he could help. He knew how Hoseok liked a lot of things. He knew Hoseok liked things to be clear yet softly written so that it's not serious. He wasn't fond of serious conversations, he used to have a weird obsession with stickers, he always put on his left sock before his right. All of these things add up and they made the world's best equation that only Yoongi had access to.