too scared to be afraid

chapter forty-two: picking up the broken glass

He only left pain wherever he went. 

That was something Hoseok had thought for so long, but when he had seen the smiles that stretched across his friends' faces when he was with them, when he cracked jokes and smiled, he knew that that wasn't true. 

He was like a broken vase. But he was sick of being just a bunch of broken glass. He'd put himself back together and he'd leave the others out of it, they didn't need to bloody their hands with his painful recovery. 

Hoseok had had a lot of time to think during the week and he had found so many more reasons to stay alive, even in his numb state that he was constantly in. 

That night had been a sleepover. Everyone slept in the living room, scattered around with blankets and pillows everywhere. 

Taehyung and Jimin had made up and slept together soundly. The whole group was at peace. Hoseok stayed awake long than anyone else, listening to the out of sync breathing from his friends and the air conditioning that turned on and off every now and then. 

He was the first one awake too, body not used to getting so much sleep in one sitting. 

"Did you sleep well, Seok-ah?" Jungkook asked. His voice seemed deeper than before but Hoseok might've been imagining it. Why did Jungkook seem more mature?

"Yeah, did you?"

"Yeah, I did. Want to make breakfast with me? I--I've missed you lots, hyung."

"Me too, Kook. C'mon, bunny, let's go make some food."

Jungkook's sleepy stated receded as if it were like a wave going back into the ocean. He jumped up and bounced on the balls of his feet, excitedly waving for Hoseok to hurry and join him in going to the kitchen. 

Hoseok couldn't make the youngest wait longer if he wanted to. He quietly got to his feet and jumped over the abundance of sleeping bodies, and scattered pillows and blankets. He stopped momentarily to gather a few empty bags of chips that a few of the boys had decided to eat before bed, calmly making his way to the kitchen with Jungkook who had waited so that he could walk that short distance into the kitchen by his side.

"Hyung, what do you want to make? Do you want hot chocolate? If you want, you can sit down and I'll make breakfast. You must be tired," Jungkook stammered, scratching at the back of his neck nervously. It had felt like it had been years since they had spoken together and interacted and Hoseok knew that it was his fault. 

He didn't show his disappointment in the way he made Jungkook uneasy, instead, opting for kissing the young boy on the cheek and moving to open the pantry. 

"Don't be so nervous, Kook. It's only hyung, let's make pancakes. Can you grab the chocolate chips?"

Jungkook stared at him, frozen for a minute, whilst Hoseok glided across the kitchen, beginning the batter needed and carefully measuring the amount necessary to feed seven grown boys. Eventually, he snapped out of his stiff state and smiled, hurrying to Hoseok's side. 

The two boys who stood just outside of the kitchen, stared at each other with knowing looks. 

"Never again," Yoongi promised. 

The shorter boy nodded."Never again," he agreed with a bright smile. 

They stepped into the kitchen together, seating themselves at the island. Yoongi ruffled Jimin's hair, getting up to offer the two help and at the same time, announce their arrival. 

"Need any help?"

Hoseok and Jungkook looked over their shoulders at Yoongi who approached them with a small smile. 

"Want to man the pan, hyungie?" Hoseok asked, stepping aside. Yoongi stepped forward, taking the spatula out of Hoseok's hand, before moving closer to hug the boy. 

"Gosh, I miss cooking with you," he breathed into the nape of Hoseok's neck, inhaling the natural, gentle scent that the boy had. 

"Can we all spend today together? I think we should talk about a few things and go from there," Jimin said, clearly having thought about it. 

"We should, I think that'll give Seok some time to think a few things through with our help and so we'll know where to go from here. Everyone else needs the time as well," Yoongi says, flipping over a chocolate chip pancake. 

The three soon took to quietly weaving around each other as they began plating food items and Jimin took it upon himself to start brewing coffee for those who just needed coffee to start off the day. Soon, Jungkook was helping with the drinks, taking out a few glasses so that he could poor orange juice into them, aware of his hyung's favorites drinks. 

Soon, the kitchen table was dressed with everything neatly gathered in specific spots. The boys went back to wake up the others, with the exception of Yoongi who chose to stay seated and let Hoseok's appearance process in his mind. 

"Jin hyung, wake the fuck up," Jungkook loudly blurted into the boy's ear, startling him awake. But Jin calmed when he saw Hoseok's beautiful smile right beside Jungkook. His long arms wrapped around the boy, pulling him down onto his body. 

Jungkook just shook his head with a smile. He knew all too well how hard it was to function without sunshine time so he moved on to wake up Namjoon, carefully, wanting his hyung to wake up happy. 

"I'm not letting you leave. You're never going back into that god forsaken room," Jin slurred into the boy's ear. The weight of his arms around Hoseok's waist grounded him, and the boy melted onto Jin's larger body. 

"I know, hyung."