too scared to be afraid

chapter twenty-five: february

"I'm scared."

025: february

xxxx

Would everything world have changed if they were still alive?

He had always wondered how his high school years would've changed had his parents had been alive.

He wouldn't have ever went to that horrid orphanage. He wouldn't have ever turned to cutting as a way to cope. He could've been a happy teenager with a bubbly personality and an intelligent mind.

But he wouldn't have met Jungkook..

Who knew if he would've met Yoongi, Seokjin, Taehyung, and Namjoon too? One minor change could really change alot.

Would he go back in time if he could save his parents?

The correct answer should be "yes, of course" but Hoseok truly didn't know. Would he go back to save them even knowing that his current reality would completely change? What if the world decided that the pain he held needed to be directed some place else. If it weren't his parents, would it have been his closest friend at the time? Would it have been Jimin who had died?

He didn't want the answer. He didn't want to even contemplate it.

Tears swelled in his eyes, but he knew it was all in his head. His head laid on his desk, the soft sounds of his professor's voice filled the room. Today, it was just a free class. Their professor said they could do anything while he told stories and held conversations with the students in the first few rows of seats.

His head was throbbing, a headache forcing his head down. His own thoughts threatened to make the headache worsen as they bounced around in his already thought consumed brain.

Yesterday, he had found out that Jungkook was currently living with Seokjin but he refused to tell him about how he meet Hoseok's friends originally or how he escaped the orphanage. He just said Hoseok should rest knowing that he was safe, living with Seokjin where Hoseok could visit whenever he wanted.

That was great and all but Hoseok lacked the time to feel relieved. It was February 1st. In other terms, it's the month of both his birth and the month where he had lost both of his parents on two separate dates. Their deaths pained him more than his own would if he were to be tortured for years before being stabbed to death in an alleyway.

They were the people he loved the most.

Hoseok wasn't the biggest social butterfly as a child. He had many issues in elementary and then more in middle school. During those times, it was his parents who he had turned to.

When he finally began to spread his wings, when he made friends with Jimin, his parents unintentionally decided to leave him. But he was just starting to find himself at the time, he was just starting to spread his metaphorical wings.

So he was forced to continued his life, he had to play his role. His role being the persona he had decided to use when he was out in public. He wasn't a happy-go-lucky kid ever actually, he just was able to study children enough to find that being positive and happy made people like them. While he played his role, he did work on his thoughts though. He wanted to have an optimistic mindset that he could cherish.