too scared to be afraid

chapter eighteen: where he belongs

"Is loving a crime?"

018: where he belongs

xxxx

"You haven't been eating."

The truth said so blatantly made him cringe.

Seokjin had driven all of them to his house and took Hoseok into a separate room to speak with him. They said they'd explain everything tomorrow.

Everything being why they're all together and how Jungkook isn't in the orphanage.

Hoseok had other things to worry about at the moment.

He couldn't tell if Seokjin was concerned or incredibly disappointed and it scared him. Serious talks weren't his forte. The tense feeling in the air reminded him of when Seokjin and Jimin had found him hurting himself that one night. He had only escaped by a hair though, and was able to call Yoongi to his rescue.

But now Yoongi was here too.

"Why haven't you been eating?"

Hoseok didn't know what to tell him.

He hated himself? He hated the way he looked? He couldn't bring himself to eat even when he tried? He didn't have the energy to take care of himself like an adult?

These excuses were weak. Really, the answer was right there in the front of his mind.

He didn't want to live.

"Please," Seokjin murmured, bringing Hoseok back to the question. "I--we're so worried about you, Hob-ah. Just--just tell hyung what's wrong and I promise I'll fix everything. We all will."

"I can't."

"You can. All you have to do is tell me why."

Seokjin would leave him. So would Jimin and Yoongi. Jungkook would vanish before he could ever reappear in his life.

He didn't want a repeat of his high school years.

The thought made him start to cry.

Being alone was the worst punishment above all else. He deserved to be alone but it was just too painful.

"I'm sorry," Hoseok cried, looking up, straight into Seokjin's warm eyes. "Ple-please don't leave me."

His cries grew louder and he wondered if the other boys could hear him. They were waiting for the two to finish talking in the living room. Hoseok hated being weak. He hated showing his feelings. He hated crying in front of others.

They didn't need to know how pathetic he was. How much he struggled with nothing. His one talent was the ability to create problems out of thin air. It wasn't something to take pride in.

"I won't. None of us will. Come here," Seokjin softly said, opening his arms for Hoseok. Hoseok complied, throwing himself into his hyung's arms and crying into his shoulder. He was so weak. "You've been through so much, angel. It's okay to get some help sometimes. We're all here for you whether you like it or not."